DAY 560

So I am here to celebrate. Reviewing 2014

When 2014 started I decided that it would be a year of celebration. It made sense to me not only because I would be 50 years old at the end of the year, but also because this would be a good way to proclaim my place in this world, to praise my journey and finding new reasons to keep on walking my path.

Along it many things have happened and many times I thought that I should have chosen any other word except celebrate, but as the days went by I started to understand the true nature of a year devoted to celebration.

In fact, when the year started I thought that would be great to make visible my celebration mood. I made plans and set goals. But soon, the year had an unexpected twist and unbelievable things started to occur one after another. Some of them where just unforseen, some hard or truly painful and made my plans and goals simply irrelevant. I had no the time or the willingness to approach them:  the Universe lets me alone with my bare proposal and challenge me to celebrate anyway.

Also it may seem incredible, I was able to do it. Not in the well prepared and intricate mode that I planned, but in a simple, rough-and- ready way. My ego screamed and told me once and again that I was wasting my time. After all, our new year proposals can be (among many other things) a way to claim approval… but I turned a deaf ear to it and kept on doing it. 

And I did it. I did it!. Even in the darkest days I managed to find a pinch of hope, something to be thankful for, a lesson to learn... new perspectives, unexpected gifts, things to improve, things to enjoy... glimpses of the spirit… in short, reasons to celebrate. 

Amidst the chaos of my overloaded working days, I honored the chance to share what I have learnt (personal and professionally) with my students. Even when I was often tired and disappointed with university policy and the way the institution makes decisions, I have learnt to celebrate my role of professor and all the good things they can teach me. 

Amidst the complicated circumstances of my personal life (my husband was working outside the country nearly nine months), I honored the chance to cultivate calm and to be much more flexible regarding my expectations. Even when I felt overwhelmed and lonely some times and felt that I had many responsibilities, I have learnt to celebrate our love, myself, my strength and my brand new ability to let go drama. 

Amidst the hard health issues my friends were facing, I honored the chance to help and to be there for them. Even when many days I was sad and downhearted, I have learnt to celebrate life, my life, their life, and our powerful relationship.

Amidst the ageing process of my mom, all the changes related to it and all the work I have to do in order to keep her (and my brother) living at home, I honored the chance to give, to make their life easier and practice compassion. Even when I am totally frightened more times than I would like to recognize, I have learnt to celebrate every single second of our life together, and this existence as it is, with beginnings and ends, calms and storms, ups and downs.

It has been a year of complete acceptance. I have been able to say Yes! to what was happening to me in a given moment, to stop judging life even when events and circumstances were not so propitious as I expected, even when they caused me pain. 

Hoever, it has been a silent celebration. It has transformed in sacred all what has happened and has made me experience strong emotional and spiritual feelings for my life… a sort of deep communion with it.


Do you want to know more about my review of the last year? Please, follow this link: 
2014 in photos and words

DAY 555

blessed

When I first started to look for answers I explored many paths but after some time, I started to came across the same ideas and advices repeatedly no matter where I searched for. I found out that the rudiments of any rewarding life were: forgiveness, gratitude, acceptance, kindness (to ourselves and others), attention and compassion. Retrospectively, I can see that the recurrence of those words marked the beginning of my journey.

According to my readings, those six words compiled the essential elements that any person would need to experience a new vision of his or her existence, of its sacred meaning. They would allow me to awake to the real sense of life by feeling connected to something bigger than me and recovering my sense of belonging. Those six words would help me to heal.

I was so exhausted, lost and in need of guidance that I was ready to try almost anything, (indeed the way I felt was the prime reason of my hunt) but it happened that those words resonated deeply with me.

Time has proved my intuition to be true. Those words have been my keys to unlock all the beauty that now is present in my life and to liberate my soul.

I have been exploring them in the same order just like I have written them here. And even when now they are not single threads anymore, but form a sort of weave, firstly I learnt about them and tried to internalize their basic lessons one by one. I didn´t decide this ahead, it just happened thanks to the way my inner work was developing, as if a secret (or higher) plan already existed… I just followed the sings: the title of a book here and there, a new author mentioned somewhere, a site that caught my attention, a phrase on an article which was otherwise useless, an advice of a friend or just a loose word that seems significant.

Obviously, their meaning has become much deeper as they have been woven together along my own journey but each word alone contains multiple connotations and a complexity that make it quite interesting although not easily approachable.

Of course, I am still dealing with them as a whole and individually and I am also adding new words to the list. This is still a work in progress and I think it will be a long life process but I am seeing great advances. I cannot believe how much I have changed and progressed since I started. I cannot believe the sense of peace and serenity that now goes with me everywhere. I cannot believe how happy I am now with myself for not a particular reason, just for being me. I cannot believe how much I enjoy life now. How much I can appreciate and celebrate.

I have found a way of living that suits my inner yearnings, that is enriching, nourishing, makes me feel happy, healed, while it allows me to realize my own potential. And that, dear friends, is priceless.


PS: In November I´ll be celebrating gratitude. I´ll post a weekly post on my gratitude page and will share with you all the things I am grateful for, but I wanted to start the series honoring my own process in particular, all the things I have learned thanks to this blog and by sharing with you my thoughts. Thanks so much!

DAY 532

that´s what I have come to learn

There is no goal, only room for movement

there is no destination, only paths to walk

there is no achievement, only a sort of movement forward

there is no a steady structure, only change

there is no a predictable outcome, only amazement

there is no future, only present

there is no past, only lessons

there is no agenda, only journey

there is no explanation, only facts

and even so,

paradoxically,

there is a plan where everything fits

because by going with the flow we accomplish

by accepting, we grow

without becoming attached to results, we evolve

without taking things personally, we understand

and by being in the now, we emerge


PS: After re-reading this text a few times I realized that it´s part of the celebration´s series...  this week I am celebrating this ongoing process of living a conscious life

Have a nice week dear friends,

Much Love,

Z.

DAY 521

What can I celebrate when it seems there is nothing to celebrate?

I have been wondering that along the last month. As you may know I started this year with the intention of honoring my life by celebrating it (and vice versa, I guess). I didn´t set any goal or purpose regarding this intention, because I didn´t want to deal with disappointed expectations. So when after a few posts -some really bad news about a good friend´s health and the increase of my work duties- I realized that I wasn´t feeling like celebrating, I let it be.

I focused on keeping my serenity along this troubled times by reinforcing my inner work, my meditation practice, my creative discipline and I started to pay attention to my diet and my sleeping habits. I felt that I had to concentrate on those things if I wanted to go through this stressful period of my life. Those things have helped me to cope with my hectic schedule, university policies, my frustration because I have had to assume extra work and my emotional response to the whole situation.

To my surprise, I´ve managed to keep the positive thinking and a peaceful mood; I am enjoying my classes even when I have to teach so many hours and different subjects and I don´t feel as mentally exhausted or overwhelmed as I thought I would be. Indeed, a few days ago I went to visit an institution where some of my students are developing their practices and some of the workers said to me that stress suits me nicely. Of course, it´s not the stress, it´s all the things I am doing to keep it under control.

Maybe, I should have had more faith in myself from the very beginning, but I was not that sure that I would be able to deal with all this so well. Even when I know what I have to do (from an inner viewpoint) when things become tough, I am also prone to fall back into the same old habits and forget to stay present and act accordingly.

But this time I have achieved some (great) success. I am quite tired (who wouldn´t?) but today resting at home and looking back, I can see that some tiny changes have made a big difference.

 I felt that was okay if the big issues in my life didn´t let me see the little joys, if I didn´t  want to count my blessing because I felt that I wanted to be sad or angry or hopeless, if I changed my mind regarding things that were important to me months ago and I was putting first those that I should have mastered ages ago. 

I felt that even when I was not doing what I had planned, I had to accept  it instead of feeling ashamed. And by doing it, I have discovered new fragments of inner wisdom, the kind of inner wisdom that comes to us slowly.  Paradoxically, this behavior has made me find also new (and maybe more complex and authentic) reasons to rejoice in unlikely places. 

Today I celebrate simply that.

DAY 507

joined together

Yesterday when I published my post about celebrating love and talked about those persons who have marked me, I said that while dealing with the hard impact of some of them on my life, maybe I hadn´t paid enough tribute to those who indeed have been generous, and supportive and patient and loving. I didn´t include pets deliberately (even when I think they have had one of the more healing influences on my life) because I wanted to write this post today.

Pets show a kind of unconditional love that is hard to understand unless you have experienced it. Being loved without conditions is not something that one can find easily, but once you have a pet you feel how the huge power of boundless love touches your heart and how it blooms and feel ready to give that love back.

The very first time I had a cat (I was an adult woman already) those sentiments took me by surprise, it was like a warm wave going up my chest, but the following times (every single time a new cat arrived home) I was just expecting it and I never felt disappointed. Once and again the love came and stayed.

That love have proven me many things about life, things that I didn´t know and even, many things about myself: it has been one of the mirror where I have searched for inspiration to appreciate myself more.

Here is my Miel, she is sixteen years old and is the sweetest cat ever. She has survived her sister along three long years. In fact, today (February 13th) is the third anniversary of her sister´s passing. However, this morning when I thought I should write this post, I didn´t feel like commemorating this death.

Today I simply want to celebrate the life we all have shared, the tender memories (and there are plenty of them!) and the great deal of joy they caused.

DAY 506

this week I am celebrating LOVE

Lately I´ve been thinking of persons who inhabit (or have inhabited) my world and how them have marked me some way. I have known some of them for a very long time; I met others only once or twice and even so I have never forgot them and I am getting to know some of them right now, but I already know that will be part of that group. Some are family or old friends, others just acquaintances. I have coincided with many of them along my personal life´s paths but there are also former students or persons that I bumped into due to my work activities and of course, on-line contacts.

Some of those persons have hurt me deeply or made me feel sad or angry, or triggered any kind of unease, although they were not meant to do it... I guess this happens to all of us. But many others have developed much more positive roles.

However, while revising my list I´ve realized that any and each of them have taught me important things some way or another. But what has amazed me more is how the hard impact of some of them on my life has tarnished the beautifully constructive influence of the rest.

Some times in life what some authors usually call tyrant teachers (those who don´t want to teach us anything but do it anyway, through the pain they cause and its subsequent processing) gobble up all the good things and persons around.

I have decided that it´s time to change that. I need to focus on what is good and nice and rewarding. I need to focus on those who help and embrace and applaud and support. I need to focus on what I have created, not on what I have been deprived of. I need to focus on the beautiful self I have been able to construct regardless of the obstacles.

So this week I am celebrating the LOVE I have received from those who has been generous enough to offer it to me, even when maybe I was too immersed in my own world.

Those who have lent a hand and open their hearts.

Those who have given me thanks, or have appreciated me some way maybe only once.

Those who have gone with me along the peaceful days. And also, through the uneven moments.

Those who have listened or given good feed-back.

Those who have laughed (and cried) with me.

Those who has believed in my success and defended that I have something good to offer.

Those who have seen my light when I only saw darkness and have shared their beautiful souls with me.

Those who has been with me day after day sharing their love and joy.

Those who has been patient enough to await my blooming.

Those who come here and read and are kind enough to take time to do it...

This week I am rejoicing in love signs and proclaiming that love is all around. This week I am sending love to you all and looking for ways to honor all the good persons in my life (including myself).

Would you join me in this celebration?. I would like to know more about how you are honoring and celebrating love in your life.

Much Love

Z.

DAY 505

ins and outs

As you may already know, I am living my year of celebration. It is a way to honor the place where I am right now (metaphorically speaking). I want to live this in process, this means that I am only determined to keep my celebration mood but I don´t want to plan anything ahead and I try to await what comes to meet me.

This has caused me some unease, because I was not sure how I would be able to set a practice without planning (what if inspiration never arrives?) or  how I would be able to keep a mood that is strange to me without an extra effort.

Being blissfully spontaneous is not my strongest point and proclaiming what makes me happy has never been my style. I have no problems with talking about many subjects or showing vulnerability (something that I have learnt that makes me stronger) or sadness and of course, anger, but expressing joy is challenging to me in certain contexts or moments.

Don´t get me wrong, I am not a bad-tempered person and I am not shy, either. I am an introvert that usually finds much easier to rejoice in things privately if necessary (a way to celebrate), than sharing them, or does any other thing to make my -positive- feelings evident. But how can one goes through a year of celebration -the kind of year I have in mind- without doing it?.

However, as the week progressed, a certain pace has begun to take form. This pace is made of little and specific daily actions and I am discovering that praising publicly what I find interesting, appealing, beautiful or comforting (you name it) about other persons, or even about myself, is not so difficult as I thought. Indeed, I am getting used to do it quickly, something inconceivable only a few months ago... is this a proof of the power of intention?.

When I am working with my students, or doing any other activity, at home or just walking in the city, I try to be more assertive in general terms, but in particular, regarding the good things. This is making a great difference: I feel more motivated and enthusiastic and mindful (and connected to others!) but what is more important, through the tiny, ordinary things, I am getting in touch with some big things that deserve celebration in my life. Things that –now I see- have gone unnoticed or I have given for granted, but won´t continue to be that way.

I´ll start a series of post about them next week... would you come to celebrate with me?.

Hope so. Much Love.

Z.

DAY 501

So now I am living a year of celebration!

After writing my last post, I went into panic mode along a few minutes... I started to ask to myself how I would manage to stay true to that idea, how I would be able to preserve my determination during such a long period of time. I was ready to start to plan the year whole, when suddenly I realized that it could be much easier than that: the only thing I had to do was cultivating a celebration mood and let it me lead throughout the days ahead.

Of course, cultivating that mood -I thought- will demand me tons of positive thinking, the ability to focus on what can I celebrate and to face up my everydayness (with its demands, problems and epiphanies) in a complete different way. But for a moment I saw clearly that what I had to do was keeping that mood as much as possible, nothing else.

It was a sort of revelation: I would live this in process, I would celebrate in process, I would plan my year of celebration in process. That means that I wouldn´t make decisions in advance, I wouldn´t opt for this or that content, I would live every unique moment honestly. And I would honor through celebration.

When I came to that conclusion I felt that an important truth had been unraveled: I had to honor by celebrating!. And I realized that this would have to be my strategy this year: honor my existence by celebrating it... honor my daily life by celebrating tiny moments; honor my inner work by celebrating my practice, honor my process, by celebrating my finds; honor my journey by celebrating my path… honor my destiny by celebrating my surrender

So I made a decision: My word could be celebrate (because I wanted it to rule my life). My motto: analyze less, celebrate more (as I felt that it would allow me to move forward ), but my strategy should be (would be) honor by celebrating.

I love this last paragraph, it makes me feel alive, empowered and confident. I feel that it is going to open an unknown door to a new and completely different place. And I am ready to go ahead.

I know that this is a great challenge and I know I´ll need a system not only to keep this in mind (I know I can get lost in my hectic schedule without noticing it), but also to be able to write about my experiences here. I´ve been thinking about it, and I have some ideas, I still want refine them a bit but I´ll keep you updated!

Wishing you a wonderful week!

Much Love,

Z.