DAY 544

reentry

I´ve been (almost) unplugged along ten days. I wanted to rearrange things at home now that I am on holidays but apart from that, I felt I had to be off line for a while. I also left my camera aside.

My work involves much intellectual effort and hobbies, you know, can be highly rewarding but also a bit demanding, so it has been refreshing to work hard (physically speaking) and taking time to do another kind of things without being under pressure, without deadlines or feeling that I have to socialize, create or communicate. I haven´t even used the phone too much.

My husband is still working outside the country. His comeback has been delayed several times which is very sad because now I have plenty free time and although I have decided not to dramatize the situation too much, it has made much more evident my solitude.

In fact, I have been totally alone and at my own pace. I´ve been painting, tidying, decorating but I have also rested a lot. I have read a few books, been watching old episodes of my favorite serials and eating simple meals without being in a hurry, without schedules... what a great privilege and what an amazing pleasure!

This has made me realize -once again- the crazy exigencies of my job, how the current university policy is forcing me to work in conditions that are becoming worse every passing year and how this is affecting me; it has also made me think about the good and not so good impact that being on line has on my life. But I´ll write about this on next posts... 

Hope you´re having a wonderful month.

Much Love

Z.

DAY 543

by the edge of this moment

I have found a place where my soul rests.

I stay there with my endless load of concerns,
with all my shoulds
and my lists
and my wishes
and my projects,
with my limited vision and my laments.

I stay there with my past
and all the still pending issues,
with my resentment
and my frustration
and my lack of understanding
and my grief
and my gratitude.

I stay there with my future
and my anxiety,
with my dreams
and my illusions,
with my fears
and my hopes.

I stay there thinking of all those things,
thinking also that they are heavy burdens on me,
yearning for a sort of explanation
or a revelation
or a relief
or maybe a liberation
and this place never disappoints me.

It can take its time
but I persist.

I stand still in the here, in the now,
in this place where I am one with myself,
awaiting patiently, trusting
and suddenly something is created by the universe.

An everyday miracle,
an unexpected sign...

A tiny turtle which is having a nap subtly illuminated
and seems to know that life is beautiful
even when living can be oddly strange.

DAY 542

determined to see for myself

Lately I have found myself thinking about the elderly quite often. Not only because I am facing the ageing of my own mother, which is a very challenging situation (yet somehow rewarding as it gives a new dimension to our relationship),  but also, because I can see how the number of persons obsessed by youth is increasing every passing day.

When I read articles or look at advertisements or images of any kind, I feel that our society is concerned by ageing (me too) and it´s struggling against it not always in a very positive way.

This battle occurs in many fields and the persons of my age or so are who are fighting harder -I think- to avoid health, emotional,  social or aesthetical issues related to ageing. I know that it is not easy to deal with certain situations related to it and I truly believe that we have to look for the best quality of life... but we have to be clear that this won´t prevent us from getting older.

On the other hand, it doesn´t have to mean feeling less useful, radiant or fulfilled. On the contrary, it can mean being all those things but in a different way. Or maybe, getting older really means that we won´t be those or other things anymore, so what?. We still will be persons, human beings, here, trying to do our best, learning, living, feeling...

I know that any society is led by certain ideals and obviously they try to domesticate our nature. That´s why our social, aesthetical, emotional or health aspirations can be unnatural, this is the rationale of civilization, but maybe we should pay attention when they start to be unreal according to current circumstances and possibilities.

I cannot help feeling that some of these efforts would be much more productive if they were focussed on changing our mindset and social prejudices or preconceived ideas about this subject that is culturally constructed. In particular, those who are so biased and corrupted that make us lose direction and forget what is important. In particular, those which impact deeply on the existence of many persons by making them feel a mistake, by making them be invisible before our eyes.

When I saw those two ladies, I didn´t see decline or lack of charm... but what is most important: amidst the busy morning in the park, I saw them.... that´s why this is my Photo-Heart Connection for July. 

DAY 365+111

There are days that make you feel that nothing is right
days where everything can go wrong. 

You judge yourself harshly
and find that nothing is like it should be. 
Even the tiniest mistakes become great failures 
and the simplest challenges seem to be unattainable.


Oh, I am afraid of those days that drain my motivation, 
days that convert my emotions into a rough sea. 

I feel like my life doesn´t suit me anymore
and I count my disappointments. 
I consider myself to be the biggest loser on earth 
and take delight in pointing out my weaknesses. 

There are days that come to ruin my mood without a consistent reason,
days in which anguish seizes my heart. 

The colors lose their brightness
and the world turns dull, flat , unappealing. 
Everyone seems to have the correct answers 
and a reason for living except me. 

Dark days that bring back all the pain right on my heart,
days that highlight unfairness 
and the solitude of the vulnerable. 

These are the days that you better take a step back, 
stop cursing, opining, complaining and making decisions, 
light a candle, 
pray to let the distress go 
and go to bed early knowing that darkness won´t last forever. 

And it won´t, believe me, I know it pretty well.

DAY 365+101

stray wisdom

Sometimes my feet know what my mind ignores and lead me to places where the answer to my thoughts and prayers is awaiting in the form of a visual treat, or a song, or a sudden smile.

This triggers little epiphanies, new sequences of connections that defy logic, but paradoxically make sense and often, make me awaken to a kinder mood. I guess that my inner being (who seems to have a rationality of its own) manages to inform me about the right direction when I am unwilling to listen. 

One day that I was totally overwhelmed by working and family issues, they led me to a shop that was selling this signal. Now it "lives" with me. Time has proved it to be true.

When I look back, I can see that those things that I thought were problems, actually were blessings in disguise:

The students that I shouldn´t have guided because they were taking another practice program, ended up being those who took more advantage of my teachings and have appreciated them more

The little disputes between my mom´s caregivers which bothered me so much, have showed that some of them were not reliable

The lack of support from most of my coworkers, have made me see the true nature of our relationship clear as water

The new atmosphere that the economic crisis is creating at university, is helping me to set new priorities and new boundaries

And all this have made me realize the true impact of my inner work on my life and the great importance of being centered and focused on me, not in a selfish way but in a healthy way

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever found answers in unexpected places?

365+81

emergence of consciousness 

This is my May´s Photo-Heart Connection

May has been a busy -and somehow chaotic- month. It has taught me some hard lessons that surely will lead me to make some important decisions about the way I am living. It has given me a new -and keen- perception of some important things, and for that I am happy and grateful, but most of the days I felt exhausted and overwhelmed. This made me think that I had been neglecting my inner work... or that I thought, till I found a group of photos of this plant and its flowers

I had forgotten it till I went through my files a week ago or so, and the mauve and green tones caught my eye. And then I remembered: I captured them along a cloudy afternoon.  I wanted to take a break from my work and recharge my batteries, so I went to the park next to my house,  and these beauties were blooming gracefully next to the fountain

I stayed there for a long time. I observed the spherical umbels on single stalks which I have seen so many times but always manage to amaze me again

I stayed there and breathed, and danced around the flowers the same as the bees, fascinated, feeling blessed, thrilled. The closed buds contrasted sharply with the showy flower heads, in wide range of sizes and shades of blue, purple, white and yellow. And I took one photo and another. But what I liked best was the way that the star-shaped flowers were opening themselves up to the world

After the walk I felt much more relaxed, but I was not aware of having proceeded with my inner work. That´s why when I discovered the photos of the Alliums I realized that I have reached a decisive stage in my journey because I have started to incorporate my inner work into my everyday life sometimes without even noticing it

I have dreamt of developing my practice easily, smoothly, elegantly many times. But I thought this wouldn´t be that effortless. Indeed, I thought this could be a bit solemn, I expected the observance of some formality. I didn´t expect my practice to be so spontaneous, unaffected, so simple and uncomplicated

But I have found out that consciousness can develop at ease just as life does, without making great fuss, silently, through the extraordinary in the ordinary

DAY 365+80

backstage

Every single day of our lives we wake up thinking of achieving something. We have a clear image of what we want in our minds, ideas about what we expect, about how things should be, about what we deserve. Ideas about the final result of our actions according to our linear and logical reasoning which often forgets that change can happen 

We wake up thinking of taking a couple of photos, we plan our actions and even we anticipate how beautiful the photo will look

But life has a different plan for us. A phone call and our whole existence is suddenly in a mess. An accidental conversation brings disappointment to our heart a makes crack in an old friendship. We fix our gaze on our house, our good soul mate, our dearest books and we fall in love again and again

We start to take our photos and we change this or that. A lazy cat comes to nose about and wants to enjoy the sun ray and continue her nap

We can feel annoyed, displeased. We can fight reality, and weaken along useless battles against fate. We can get upset about the circumstances, and grumble and complain. We can embitter the mood of those who are around us, but this won´t change things a bit

Or we can deal with them, accept when possible, enjoy as much as one can. We can even see the appeal of this new situation and take advantage of the opportunity that comes our way

We can take a step back, forget expectations, look at the whole situation with new eyes, and capture it in all its splendor: 

the hard shadows, the soft tummy, the not very clean windows, the precarious balance of the cup, the notebook which shouldn´t be visible, the careless posture, the atmosphere of a simple day, the evidence of the unforeseeable nature of events... 

That´s what I did, friends, I stepped back and took pleasure in the fanciful (though wise) way that life unfolds. I stepped back and revelled in this glimpse of the rear of my life, the place where magic happens

DAY 365+78

me and the birds

I went to the park the other day, still thinking about events of past week, trying to keep on slowing down my mind and recovering peace 


The afternoon was cloudy and the predicted rain seemed to be delayed, the park was lonely and quiet:

paths looked like no one had never ever walked through them,

trees were having sweet conversations by shaking their leaves,

bloomed flowers were trembling and rustling while opening their core to observers,

the wind was sighing subtlely and the world seemed to get around on tiptoe


But birds were flapping their wings, pecking about. They were twittering like there was not tomorrow:

defying silence

singing their joy

dancing their little dances

celebrating their tiny epiphanies

without paying attention to weather forecast, omitting past resentments


Life looks so perfect today, I said to myself. And then, I rectified and said, Life is perfect now, because indeed it was. And suddenly, this acknowledgement gained importance, made sense, and dealing with the hard stuff in my work seemed much easier to me


Life can be not that that perfect every day and we don´t have to feign such thing, we just have to stay with it a big longer every time. This is the training we need to appreciate the sweet moments that everydayness always brings and to be able to recognize (and enjoy!) the perfect days which come to meet us

If we persist in doing that, when those moments and days will arrive we ´ll not waste our time having regrets, longing for what we have had and we have lost or dreaming of the bright days to come, on the contrary:

we´ll be able to sing our joy,

dance our little dances

and celebrate our tiny epiphanies

DAY 365+68

when they purr

While I was taking these photos of this little lady, she was purring loud and clear all the time. I was not touching her or talking to her, I was just trying to capture her lovely posture and the light in the terrace but the consistent pattern and frequency of her purr, made me feel relaxed and and more focused on what I was doing 

Even when many types of sound usually distract my attention (including voices and music) and makes me feel annoyed,  cat´s purr improves my concentration, and not only when I am interacting with them, but also when they are by my side and I am devoted to my own matters

This made me think about this low vibrant sound, usually considered as expressing some kind of sensorial satisfaction. It has been produced by my cats along so many different circumstances, that I have realized long time ago that it must have a deeper meaning apart from that

Indeed cats often purr when we provide them social contact, but also while they are under duress, and in particular when they are recovering from illness, and when they are happy with themselves or with what is happening around. They purr for not apparent reasons at all and when they are alone and think no one is listening them

I think that cat´s purr is a means of relate to people and communicate, but also a means of self-healing; a way to show contentment and also, a way to keep (or recover) some kind of tranquility. Last -but not least- I feel that it is an expression of love and acceptance for what they are living in a given moment

I know that many persons thinks that pets can´t feel that because these are complex emotions belonging to human beings, but I can´t help remembering my cat Malú purring when she was dying. This simple act of surrender marked a milestone in my own life by teaching one of the greatest lessons about being in the present and consciousness

Cats seem to know how to enjoy little pleasures, show delight, make the way back to their center once and again (maybe this is the reason why it´s said that they have nine lives) and be where they are without questioning fate 

This playful and darling kitty is the proof. And their purr seems to me an attempt to reveal her secret to those who want to pay attention

DAY 365+63

at a glance

This is my March Photo-Heart Connection. I don´t know how many times I had seen that building before the day I took this photo but I had never noticed those beautiful reflections and the contrast between its design and the traditional houses with red roofs in front of it 

While going through my files it caught my eye not only due to those lines and tones which I love it, but also because it illustrates the way I am approaching photography these days

This semester I am quite busy at university so most of my time is devoted to teaching, writing, preparing classes and workshops, seminars with my students and to endless meetings. I have little time but when I have a free hour I often go outside with the camera. No matter if I should be catching up with my home chores, my readings or some of my pending projects, I close my eyes, I carry my handbag and close the door behind me

I don´t plan beforehand organized outings. I don´t try to capture predetermined images. I don´t take self-portraits, either. I only go outside, I walk and shoot

I take photos of the urban scenery that surrounds my house. I take photos of the same common things that I see when I am going to work or shopping

 I go over the same streets and lanes, the same passages and avenues. I go over the same boulevards and the same park once and again...

 Only to discover that my feet lead me to well-known places that I can´t even recognize. Places where an old window makes me think about the brevity of life, where a bench suddenly invites me to rest and to soothe my mind, where trees are starting to bloom and are painting the city with mauve shades

Yes, I go over the same places once and again only to discover that my feet know what my eyes haven´t still seen. Only to discover that something inside me is able to feel the enigmatic appealing of the ordinary, to catch the inscrutable allure of this fleeting beauty

I know this is one of the best ways to keep my practice (which is not only related to photography, but also to my personal path) till summer vacations. So I go outside, I walk and shoot

And by doing that, I re-discover the place where I live

DAY 365+62

up and down

Sometimes I feel that my life is in a mess. This usually happens when I am dealing with personal conflicts related to injustice, lack of respect or abuse. I don´t tolerate well this kind of behavior which often awakes my anger and frustration... and also my need to fight for what I think is fair

This always changes my mood. It generates anxiety and when goes on for some time, it ends up distorting my perspective and undermining my good sense and my joy. And then, every aspect and facet of my existence starts to seem uncertain and problematic to me. Of course, the more frustrated and anxious I feel, the more biased my viewpoint starts to be and vice versa 

This obviously creates a kind of vicious circle that I am learning to break by becoming aware of my emotional state and managing my emotions more wisely. But from time to time, I fail, and a certain conflict threatens my tranquility in a way that is not acceptable

Obsession becomes a blemish on the peace of my mind, fear produces a sensation of powerlessness and the unreal imminence of chaos manages to circumvent my rational mind. When this occurs, logic doesn´t help me, reasoning doesn´t help me, common sense doesn´t help me... but relinquishing control often works

To tell you the truth, most of the times I have to be almost exhausted to do it and there is always an external -and unexpected- catalyst

I´ve been struggling with some of those vicious circles lately, but this week I reached a critical point. I went outside to walk and I felt totally uninspired, I sat down on a bench and wait while praying silently a bit 

When I finished,   I looked up and I could see that all the palms along the road were bearing their fruits. I hadn´t even noticed this when I started my walk but they gave me back the sense of amazement that I needed in order to counteract my turbulent state of mind 

Suddenly, while trying to capture their beauty, I started to outline a response to the situation I was going through, and I could see glimpses of a strategy that would allow me to recover my calm

I continued my walk and when arrived to the park next to my house the sun was shinning again (both literal and metaphorically speaking) and  I was clear about my attitude, and about the way I would behave from then on

Sometimes, we have to look up and accept guidance to start to listen the tiny voice that calls out inside us. Sometimes we have to listen to take up our path again with a new destination in mind
Walk and Click Wednesday

DAY 365+60

insight

When I look at my photos I realize that my captures often show a different side of the world I saw  along my stroll. In fact, when I am walking outside I have a global vision of the scenery around me, I am aware of perspectives and the diverse layers of colors and textures that define the place where I am, but when I look through my camera I  only take photos of some details

This always makes me wonder about the mental processes that I use to create those images (which are focused only on some aspects of what I am seeing) and why I pay attention to some information or stimulus and others go unnoticed. Obviously, this is due to the way I perceive the world which is subjective and is impacted by a number of changing variables depending on who I am, something that I find fascinating 

If the images I capture are highly influenced by the characteristics of the things which I am observing but also by the context, my mood and my own personal characteristics, I can infer that the reflection upon those images can give  me data about myself and can help me to improve my self-knowledge. And this only can happen if everything I perceive as occurring outside me, is also occurring inside me 

Does this means I am creating a reality for myself? I don´t think so, I rather think that when I take photos I am creating an image of reality that allows me to understand what is beyond my five senses by understanding myself. This, of course, generates a new perception of that reality which goes beyond the socially constructed vision of it and reveals its sacred dimension

A new perception according to which the importance of things can be relative, the approach and attitude say it all, the tiny competes with the impressive, and allure defies logic

A new perception according to which balance doesn´t come from symmetry, and beauty doesn´t mean perfection, recipes and standardized options are not always the best and challenges can open amazing paths

A new perception according to which the unexpected can shape the soul, the part is contained in the whole and the whole is contained in each part


Walk and Click Wednesday

DAY 365+57

when I opt for equilibrium

I usually drag out my walks with no apparent reason. In fact, once I am outside I am reluctant to come back home, I forget my previous laziness and I want to go on and on and on 

To be honest, I often think twice when I have to leave my house. I have to remind myself that even when I am cerebral, reflective and fond of my intellectual life, I also need to roam, be erratic and follow my ramblings. I am a very task oriented person, but I also have a strong creative side, deep spiritual beliefs and a bohemian yearning which is almost secret (and hidden), so I feel that is good to permit myself to be a bit unfocused and wander instead of going always after predetermined goals

This is a way to combine all my facets, and prevent me from restraining some of them that have not been in the forefront only because they have not been encouraged or approved by myself or others. Indeed, I try to link them all through the contemplative observance of my life and the active acceptance of who I am

I have learned that I can be idealist and pragmatic, intense and mundane, introspective and passionate and also that it´s good to be open to a less dualist viewpoint. Often, polarized opinions lead us to not consider a legitimate side of ourselves that is valuable and enriching, and also necessary, because it gives us balance, a point of difference and a sense of completeness

When I make the effort to do that, I always receive great rewards. Some of them are intangible, as a great sense of fulfillment because I am developing my whole potential (no matter how divergent my attributes seem to be), and some of them are very tangible

They are little miracles that occur along the way when I decide to validate myself and don´t penalize some parts of me

Little miracles that talk about the great importance of staying open minded, to accept heterogeneity and diversity 
Little miracles that urge me to appreciate this polychromic world and let go for a moment monochrome mindset

Little miracles that illustrate the charm of change as well as the appeal of stability; the mystery of what I already know and the challenging trait of the unexpected 

Little miracles that remind me the possibility of embracing the delicacy of the ordinary and an integrative vision

Little miracles that makes me become aware of the uselessness of ego´s judgmentsLittle miracles that drive me to merge with what is 

Little miracles like a walk where I find cycles, seasons and stages coexisting peacefully and creating beauty



Walk and Click Wednesday 

DAY 365+56

blooming in the now

The old church seemed to be awaiting me. I walked alone around its solitary facade. There was not any trace of opulence, only pure simplicity, austerity, lack of sophistication and a kind of severity that comforted my heart 

It made me think how very often we make things much more complicated than they really are, much more obscure and tough than they should be. And how easy life is when we opt for being without complication, for clarity and fairness

It made me think that life indeed is not so hard to explain, so hard to understand, so hard to live... even when it is intricate and complex

I looked at all the plants that were clearing a path through the stones and flowering, the lichens that were creating awesome patterns on the ground and I realized that they were using their energy to grow up fiercely, purposefully. They were not questioning or judging their circumstances, showing resistance. In fact, they were making the most of them and they look courageous and strong and lovely

Maybe because strength comes from adaptability, resilience comes from acceptance, braveness comes from lenience and true joy can´t  exist together with artificiality 

It made me think that living with ease is not so difficult, even when it seems puzzling and uncertain,  when  we accept that we don´t need to be all the time thinking of mending our lives or waiting for the right moment to act, finding new justifications or explanations about ourselves. And also, that we don´t need to be all the time making plans or analyzing what is happening

It´s not so difficult when we, by copying another creatures, admit that we are just where we are, that we are just who we are. When we  allow ourselves to be  just here and now and to start to evolve, move and grow from this place where we are with no tricks, with no masks, with no adornment or ornament...

DAY 365+54

misty day 

This is my contribution to Photo-Heart Connection this month. I have talked about my walk in the park a few days before a big storm,  when it wasn´t too close but we had been alerted to the danger of bad weather. The storm finally arrived past  weekend, the wind was terrible and caused many damages even in the park that I was visiting only a few days ago

That day, when I was leaving it, and was almost in the street that surrounds it, I turned round and took one single photo... this photo

I didn´t pay attention to it when I edited my previous series of photos of this walk and was trying to create a post to talk about it, but when I looked through my files this week, I realized that I felt connected to it. Maybe because it talks about the paradox of calms and storms, and made me think about my own life 

One year ago, when 2012 started, I was dealing with personal issues about visibility and my need to have a more creative and conscious life. I wanted to find a way to show my inner world and feel connected to persons that eventually could be able to understand me.  Throughout the year I  came to understand that photography could be a good help to elaborate  my experiences (to move from inside to outside) and my blog the home where I could make this kind of transition

I was looking forward to keep on exploring the endless possibilities of this discovering when the spare time that I usually had to do my inner work started to fade away. In fact, due to life circumstances, my personal duties and my job are demanding now more time than ever before. And I find myself looking for tiny moments of tranquility, the same one that I gave for granted not so long ago

We are constantly sailing troubled waters (maybe because life is change, and every change involves challenges), going through storms and calms and back to storms again but joy must not be sacrificed just because tranquility seems to be scant. On the contrary, we should make the most of every single moment, because we will never know when we be able to have the same opportunity again

If you think that something must be done, go ahead and do it. If you see something that must be captured… turn round and click

DAY 365+53

there is beauty in the decay

Days ago I was trying to explain to my students the reasons why the creation of an educational plan involves examining in detail many data and a varied information. I said that efficacy of a plan depends on that kind of diagnosis because it allows us not to focus only on symptoms and signs but also, on the real causes of the problem that must be approached through it

I wanted to illustrate all this with some examples, so I mentioned the eating disorders and I argued that educative actions aimed at diet issues are mainly focused on symptoms, whereas educative actions aimed at image prejudices are focused on what could be triggering them

Soon the debate started to evolve towards personal image as a cultural construction. We examined social conditionings, fashion market pressures and labels. We had talked before about diversity, so they felt fairly comfy expressing the right to be different and the great importance of teaching this to those who could be running the risk to suffer that sort of disorders

I was in complete accord with their proposal but said that it would not be easy to implement, considering that we all hold opinions formed beforehand based on the current beauty ideals. I affirmed that to do so, we should be able to embrace the beauty that lies in what society tells us that is ugly, the beauty that lies in those who are too fat, too old or too out of the aesthetic standards

And then I heard the silence. I looked at them and I saw they were bewildered. They were following my reasoning but I could see a kind of aversion to it in many faces: they were not able to go deep into that territory with me. And just like the interest in the theme (and the lively mood) started, it disappeared in thin air and the class continued without new shocking revelations

When the session finished I started to clean the slate (yes I still use it!). I could feel a slight trace of their youthful arrogance in the air. The same arrogance that can become stubbornness when some persons grow up and later on, results in frustration because the world is not the place they expected

And I silently gave thanks because somehow I have eluded that destiny regardless of my inveterate perfectionism and my own haughtiness. Because nowadays I am able to see beauty in the chaos, in the unfinished projects or mistakes, in what is not conventional or it is rather shabby and odd, in the failures...

in the glorious decrepitude of ancient cities,

in the forgetful ingeniousness and weak body of my mom,

in the skin around my eyes which is starting to seem as delicate and fragile as a rose petal,

in these (almost) withered leaves,

and even, in the reluctance of my students to accept that those things and persons we call imperfect can be indeed appealing


Cross-posted at Vision and Verb, where I have been Guest Blogger this sunday. Many other women share their passion for creativity and words there, please visit them, it´s a wonderful site


Simple things Sunday

DAY 365+52

it was a cold afternoon

the light was subtle and dense, 
it was drizzling and the misty atmosphere seemed not to be the best one to take photos


People was going back home very fast and the usual childish laughs and screams had been replaced for silence 


Even the birds were expectant what they were awaiting or anticipating, I don´t know 
but they were flying low and slowly 
and tossing their head 

...maybe because the park was almost empty and the bubbling hustle had been chased away because of the promise of the storm 


And there I was with my camera and the park at my complete disposal in all its glory 
...and I reveled in the solitude

in the first sprouts of spring

in the new, yet well known, friends

even in the magnificence of nature´s decay 

It was a fast walk, 
the wind was really freezing 
but along it I felt alive and present and joyful 


I rediscovered the magic of the camera which is creating a deep sense of connection,
a nexus between one´s own soul and the soul of the world


Walk and Click Wednesday

DAY 365+46

time´s little offerings

When I first saw this photo I didn´t think of publishing it. Maybe because when we take a photo of a butterfly we want to capture its awesome -yet ephemeral- beauty, as it is the archetype of grace and we are not looking for the real living creature behind it

 But the more I thought of it, the more I felt the urge to publish it. While I was editing it, I realized that this image -the capture itself and what it conveyed- somehow illustrated some of the finds  that are helping me to live much more peacefully. Here are some of them:  

We are all damaged. Some way or another we all carry some pain, disappointments, failures. But there is so much beauty and light in us that if we learn to focus on them we can keep on being marvelous creatures

Many of us have the sense that we have to fly with broken wings. It can be true but this doesn´t make us less competent; n the contrary, what we have overcame, makes us stronger and wiser

From time to time we have the sense that we won´t be able to meet the challenges, so we decide not to try it, but even a short flight is better to stay at home, feeling sorry for ourselves

We can feel ashamed, we can feel like the proverbial ugly ducky, but when we go outside we discover that there are many kindred spirit waiting for us, people from our own tribe, who are ready to embrace us regardless of our wounds

We can be concerned by what other people think about us, but there are tons of wonderful flowers and sun rays to enjoy, many adventures to live, many roads to walk, so we can´t live pleasing others. At the end of the day the more important thing is if we have pleased ourselves

We can think we are not beautiful enough, but when we cultivate passion, joy and authenticity, charm comes alone. We can think we are not good enough but when we say yes to ourselves, we find acceptance (and love) everywhere

We can be angry with ourselves and the whole universe. But believe me, this doesn´t make us any good. When we let our hearts go to us, and are able to feel compassion and see this existence as an opportunity to bloom (not a suffering trip) we start to really appreciate our journeys

We can take pleasure in the past, but remember, while we are doing that minutes are withering, days are fading away, dreams die 

We can despise ourselves, but if we respect ourselves instead, if we become aware of our uniqueness and we opt for visibility we will end up admitting that we are more alluring, clever, courageous and interesting than we had imagined. We will end up admitting that we are perfect as we are

... and we will realize that life is indeed wonderful


Sweet Shot Tuesday  Walk and Click Wednesday

DAY 365+44

being where I am

How much must we run and look for happiness outside in order to understand that is inside us? 

How long must we stay identified with the external form of things in order to understand that they are not a source of joy?

How long must we remain shallow in order to understand the frivolity does not  prevent us from suffering?

How long takes to understand that being present - don´t escape- drives us deeper and paradoxically, gives us lightness?

How much must we stay in the past to realize that this is not our place, that we only have this present moment and nothing else?

How many times must we collide with reality to be able to accept it and  do not create a parallel reality according our wishes or needs?

How long must we stay tied to our expectations and feeling disappointed before we start to love what is?

How many tears must we cry?...

I have cried a river, believe me. Even so, I repeat to myself: the origin of suffering is attachment and the cessation of attachment is attainable. We keep attached to our ideas, beliefs, experiences, goods, possessions… but all of them are transient things. Our conception of the world  is a delusion, and even our conception about ourselves, as both –the universe and ourselves- are constantly evolving, unfolding. We can let go concepts, expectations and desires. We can end up conquering a sort of dispassion 

Does this help me?. Does this comfort me?. To be honest, it depends on the day. Quite often I expect these thoughts to make me perfect and suddenly I become aware that this is the deception of false spirituality

This is just a gradual path of self-improvement where every step (even those relapses and my recurrent need to be better) counts, although when it may sounds paradoxical.  But I have noticed that those simple affirmations (that are so complex to implement) create a new mood (and new mind frames) that make me feel more inclined to stay here and to appreciate the powerful state of conscious that comes from this simple fact 

Preserving that state is important, but now I know that this will be a lifetime work and not something that I will achieve from one moment to another, so what´s the hurry?

I keep my practice and that´s enough


Simple things Sunday

DAY 365+40

Why?

Why am I doing this? 

I should be productive and efficient and much more ambitious. I should target my energies towards improving my professional career. I should be checking my schedule, developing important projects. I should be trying to meet the right people, to stay in the right place and finding ways to achieving new merits. I should be interested in reputation, success or influence. I should be looking for the sort of prestige that gives glamour and social status. I should build up a conventional life

That´s what many persons around me are doing: they are trying to gather tangible evidences of their goodness, of their competence, of their charm... and maybe I should be doing the same. But I don´t manage to persuade myself to do it

I want time to bring conciousness to my life

I want to do my work slowly and enjoy the tiny moments of awareness of my students

I want to slow down and make pauses

I want to muse on the meaning of things. I want to hear the big silence inside me and pay attention to the whispering voice of my soul

I want to experience moments of reverie and moments of sudden revelations.

I want to be open to what comes to meet me. I want to cultivate presence and intention. I want to learn more about the world around me and to let go what have imprisoned me. I want to have fun and play.

I want to feel amazed. I want to cultivate joy and simplicity

I want to give up futility

I want to relinquish vanity

... I want time to come here and make the hidden beauty of my life visible


Linking to:

Inspire me Fridays   Favorite Photo Friday   Photo Art Friday   Friendship Friday