DAY 365+72

budding calm

This is my April´s contribution to Photo-Heart Connection. I was almost sure that this photo would be my choice when I edited it a few weeks ago, and today, while I was looking over my files, I felt irreversibly attracted to it again

There is something about its composition that makes me think of my love for painting, which date back to my early childhood and has accompanied me since then. It reminds me the blissful amazement that I´ve experienced looking at the artwork of great impressionism masters, maybe because it captures the effect of light at a particular time of the day or maybe because the background shows what seems quick brushstrokes of color...

But there is also a story behind it:

Every single time I go to the park next to my house I visit the rose garden. Somehow, that is a tribute to my mother who has always wanted to have a garden (and has never accomplished her dream) and adores flowers, in particular roses, so I go there and take a few photos. Most of the times I don´t publish or even edit them, I simply keep them. In my mind I am creating a rose garden for my mother, but I still am not clear about how it is going to be materialized, so I continue taking photos, trying to let the hurry aside and enjoy this dream, the dream I have inherited from her

A month before this photo was taken, I went to the rose garden a I found it totally lopped off. The stalks were so short that I had the feeling that the little garden wouldn´t be the same ever again. The place looked sad, I felt totally disheartened and the critic that lives inside me started to say me that time was not by my side (my mom will be 89 next November) and also, that I had been little diligent in carrying out that project. That´s what the inner critic does, you know: makes the most of emotional vulnerability, and causes you to feel shame

I felt a bit annoyed, even when I have become aware long ago of the true nature of this project, which is not only about my mother´s dream, but also about my need to reconnect with earth with my story and to heal transgerational traumas

The day I took this photo, I was reluctant to go outside with the camera. I was tired and it was too late, but finally I decided to do it. I went to the park, thinking that I could only walk, and headed towards the rose garden which were beautifully illuminated by the last sun rays. To my surprise, it was in bloom. Big roses and little buds were sharing the same space; color and fragrance were awesome and beauty was reigning everywhere

I was thrilled. Life seemed to be promising again. I thought of the old dream of my mother and wondered if someday (some way or another) it could come true. I breathed the scented air and I realized that I was not so interested in the answer. I looked at the roses that were not there only a few weeks ago and thought that life is sweet, yet unpredictable. And I felt that maybe (only, maybe) I was ready to deal with this: with unattainable dreams and pending projects; with intangible goals and pruned aspirations; with lessening opportunities and unexpected gifts and miracles. With life, disenchantment and hope

Today, I breathe in and I feel how the garden is flowering inside me. My inner critic remains silent

DAY 365+71

when life hurts

Sometimes, the only thing we can do is try to remember that light will shine again
try to hold this hope with our tired (and wounded) heart that wants to give up
try to trust life, even when it is unfair and violent, and makes us doubt about our own common sense
try to keep the faith in human beings (in ourselves) even when we feel betrayed
try to hold back our -often justified- anger and pray to be saved from our own fire
try to calm down and let go bitterness, ire, sadness and act as if life were not so confused and turbulent 


Sometimes, the only thing we can do is try to look for that little ounce of peace inside us 
try to cultivate joy, even when our mood is dark and acrimony is in the air 
try to stop resentment and forgive or at least, forget (or vice versa) 
try to counteract frustration with acceptance, disappointment with humbleness 
try to calm down and focus -once again- on life little gifts 


Sometimes, the only thing we can do is abandon expectations (even when deep inside we have always thought that we know what we want, what we deserve) 
and surrender to what is happening even when it hurts (more if it hurts) 
and renounce control and embrace acquiescence 
and bow down to reality again and again 


Sometimes, the only thing we can do is remember that buds will bloom someday again 
and trust that meanwhile, we´ll learn to appreciate the beauty of bare branches and fallen petals 


And we shall learn, no doubt, we´ll do it. Because this is a path meant to open our eyes. This is a path that will force us to get real. This is a path that will teach us how to deal with pain. This is a path that will unravel the beauty of simple days as they are 

...this is the path that is leading me to discover bliss amid chaos 

DAY 365+21

Sometimes I forget what I have experienced,
the world I live in and I still hope for what I believe are the right things

I am not awaiting for great deeds, I am not looking for global peace or the extinction of violence although I dream of them, I am realistic. I am talking about those little steps that we can take in order to get closer to them 

I still hope for a single smile when glances are exchanged

I still hope for tiny gestures of thankfulness or acknowledgement

I still hope for kindness

I still hope for tender hugs

I still hope for gentle touches

I still hope for warm words

and for beauty and radiance and joy and authenticity

I still hope for devotion and reverence

I still hope for inspiration

I still for hope arms wide open

I still hope for goodwill

and for intelligence, and generosity, and empathy and a sense of connection

I still hope for good sense and character

I still hope for calm and cooperation

I still hope for some new healing moments every day

But I don´t hope for them to be only aimed at me, but at every single person in this small planet

You may say it can be disappointing, often it has been so. In particular, when I hoped for them in the wrong places.  But, generally speaking,  my hopes have proved not to be baseless: I´ve  found tons of gentleness, gratitude, benevolence, cheerfulness and inventiveness in this life of mine. I only have had  to look in the right direction

  Maybe that´s why I still hope... I still hope for more

and this is not a condemnation, it´s my everyday worship

DAY 365+19

back to calm

After the inner (and outer) storms that have recently brought pain and downheartedness to my little world, my negative attitude seems to be increasing: even when I am feeling less discouraged that weeks ago, I feel that I am paying more and more attention to the signs of hate, insanity and injustice and little by little I am forgetting to look on the bright side of life

Of course, there reasons to do it: life circumstances can be hard sometimes and every time I watch the news I only find new justifications for my attitude. But to be honest, this is not doing me any good. On the contrary, this is making me experience a sense of hopeless and a lack of direction

Hope is one of the most important tools we have to face the future and be confident about it, the only way we can counterbalance the bad things and stay positive. But hope is not something instinctive to many of us, it must be consciously cultivated

As for me hope comes from the appreciation of little things. This blog is also about that. It´s not only about finding my inner voice by exploring damaged territories and wounds that still hurt. It´s also about finding the beauty in unexpected places, it´s about keeping the inspiration...

Today I´ve decided to commit to focus on that side of my journey a little bit more, I so desperately need it!

So here I am, trying to pick up the thread of hope once again trough the tiny patches of grace, kindness and respect that I find along my path. They are the irrefutable proof that good things also happen