DAY 571

in {and out} Week 10: Reflection

A morning as any other morning,
a moment immersed in everydayness

A simple surface,
six or seven pieces of crystal,
two seashells,
a cherished mirror,
light

That´s all

But they can make an ordinary day extraordinary,
no less

Suddenly the morning has allure
and the moment is priceless

I get lost in the reflections, in the glow

I get lost in the unsteady twinkles
and in the hidden images repeated here and there

I get lost in a glimmer of hope,
in a sudden moment of joy

I feel dazzled for a second
and then I can see clearly

I see the beauty, the peace,
the delicate lines and the sinuous curves

My heart radiates love
and I know that I am here and everywhere

I go where light leads me


This entry is part of a project I am developing with my friend Montse Gallardo. We´ll share a photo every week during 2015. Her photos will be always taken outside and my photos will be indoor shots only. We have created a Facebook page: In and Out. 52 weeks where you can see all the photos of the project. 

DAY 556

insight

When I first started this journey I used to have so many expectations. So many beliefs about all the things that I had to change, achieve, conquer or demonstrate

I used to have so many preconceived idea. So many beliefs about what would make me happy or proud of myself or pleased with my life.

I used to have so many prejudices. So many beliefs about what kind of experiences were worth living, what kind problems were worth thinking about, what kind of behaviors would increase my self-worth

I used to have so many opinions. So many beliefs about myself, about my own importance, my past, my future, my present, my life.

I used to have so many needs. Need to do the right thing, need to fit, need to be approved, need to be loved, need to be perfect, need to be forgiven, excused and also, compensated

I thought that my inner work would prove that I was right, would give me the power to success and to achieve self-satisfaction, the ability to make unquestionable decisions, would make me be more valuable… better than others, I thought that maybe it would redeem me but it has showed me that I was totally wrong.

It has showed me that my expectations, preconceived ideas, prejudices, opinions and needs were useless. Finally I am learning that life doesn´t have to be mended. Indeed, every moment is sacred.

Finally I am realizing that joy is an option, not a privilege.  I am understanding  the rationale of this existence which is a gift, a miracle, not something meant to be controlled, explained.

Finally I am admitting that I am (have ever been) a radiant being, that love and light are (have ever been) by my side.  And  I have come to the conclusion that  I can  trust this process,   universe´s guidance and my own inner voice.

Finally I am grounded in acceptance.


Please note, I have updated my gratitude page this week, if you want to have a look follow this link

DAY 517

about seasons and senses

Month after month, doubts have been fading away like leaves along the autumn. One after another, preconceived ideas about how I should be feeling, living or behaving have left me.

They are still here but are not harmful anymore.They are resting at my feet. I can see them, I can recognize them, but I cannot feel them as part of me, not anymore.  They are indeed, like leaves fallen down. They are still appealing and have a certain beauty  but I l know that sooner or later the wind will sweep them away.

I often discover myself thinking: I used to believe  this or that; I used to think that I never would be good enough; I used to be concerned by others opinion... and feel a sense of detachment

From time to time, a still hanging leaf shakes a bit the calmed pond of my mind. What if...? - I wonder-  but before the thought is completed I see it´s just that: a simple thought without a real identity. If it persists I welcome it and explore possibilities. I see my self embracing one option after another. This will cause me anguish -I say to myself- pain or anger... and I embrace those emotions too and let them go.

As this process has become deeper I have felt some unease with the peace and  the austerity. I feel cautious, restrained, reticent... but as the winter has gone over I have found out that all this brings a new sense of order, of simplicity, of freedom.

I have no changed that much.  I still am a bit perfectionist and afraid of being wrong and all the others things I know well I am.  But now,  I don´t let those things define myself. Here is the perfectionism -I say- here is my anger, here is the need to be approved. I honor them (some way or another, they have brought me here), flow with them, let them go... and return to calm just to find out that I can be without them.

I return to my bare, raw, soul and keep the practice.

However, as spring is arriving I am feeling a new energy goin up my legs, a new sap. That is making me feel passionate, awake, empowered. It´s a kind of rebirth, a sense of blooming. I try not to hold on to this, either... and even when I am tempted to keep it, I feel the joy and let it go.


I guess if this what they mean when talk about staying synchronized with natural cycles, but I am thrilled by the endless possibilities of summer.