DAY 536

Trying to be myself even despite myself

And them everything seems to be here again. There i always a triggering factor of course, and the memories come to life again. How things evolved that way, you ask to yourself. What if this or that would have never happened, you wonder. Why me? the never-ending question.

And you think and think and think trying to find a convincing explanation. But you already know all the possible theories, all the causes and circumstances and this time they don´t help. You revisit the tale of your self- construction and you don´t find a reason why these questions keep harassing you. Maybe I am skipping something, you think to yourself.

And while checking your emotional mood you find that there is not perplexity or incredulity. There is not anger, either, not anymore. There is not pain or sorrow. There is just a big, big, hole and a tremendous grief, a huge despair, seem to be at skin level and pervading everyday life.

And it becomes dull and plain and all the charm flies away. And this only increases the grief and the despair and the (old yet new) vicious circle starts. Again and again and all over again.

But one day you start to consider a crazy hypothesis: Maybe there is not a new explanation to find. Maybe there are not more reasons why things occurred. Maybe you don´t have to investigate more. Maybe that is all. And the hole is here to stay. And the grief and despair are not meant to make you feel you´re falling apart, maybe they are the healthy response to the past. Maybe you don´t have to feel vibrant every single day. Maybe acceptance means as well to live with this and don´t judge the universe or your own process. Maybe you can permit yourself to mourn from time to time. Maybe this is your way to close stages. Maybe this is a new turning point. Maybe you should remove tags. Maybe all is well.

So many options and so little energy to value them all!!. But something in your energy field changes and your soul emits a tiny eureka!

And then you decide to give them a try. And the spin of your mind stops. And charm is back. And joy flaps its wings inside you.

And hope smiles.

DAY 316

what´s behind a closed window?

Dreams and secrets

deceptions

a calm conversation

a moment of celebration

laughs and tears

beautiful furniture and a gloom atmosphere

a book forgotten on a chair

hopes and disappointments

silence

a big lamp and a slow clock

dirtiness

cobwebs and oblivion

provisional quietness

cold feelings and quarrels

normality

misunderstandings

affection and cuddles

joy and peace

solitude

a tangible stress

a cat dreaming a sweet dream

darkness 

emptiness

tenderness  

Who knows? Only the ones which are inside

Facade and inner space don´t have to match or harmonize attractively. This happens with houses, but also with organizations and persons, but we are prone to think just the opposite. Whereas a beautiful windows doesn´t hide always a wonderful room, an apparently perfect family can hide deeply distressing experiences and a good-looking person can have a not very pretty soul

The most important thing in order to heal is not how beautiful things look like from outside, but how the things are inside. The sooner we can accept this, the sooner we will start to move forward. Pretending not to see how things really are, sweetening our life and deceiving ourselves won´t help us in the long term . This doesn´t mean washing our dirty linen in public, so to speak, or being overly dramatic and becoming an egocentric, just being sincere, honest and authentic

This will allow us to appreciate our gifts and learn the invaluable lessons that come from pain and sorrow and also, to move where conciousness dwells

DAY 54

healing´s basis

When we think of healing either physical or psychological, we often imagine predetermined solutions rather than arduous exercises and personal routines, but healing (in the widest sense of the word) is a complex process that takes not only an important amount of time, but also efforts and dedication 

According to my experience, an  authentic healing process entails changing our mind´s frames and also, being aware of our emotions: our discomfort usually comes from an internal unease which has to do with the way we are approaching our lives, this  means that any sort  of disease (and the way it evolves) is partly related to our past and present experiences and the way we live

That´s why when we start a spiritual practice or we develop a regular inner work focusing on self-knowledge and on the cultivation of alternative thoughts and values, like gratitude, devotion, authenticity, faith, acceptance, simplicity and so on... suddenly we start to feel better (even we experience a speedy recovering from our ills) and discover  that we have new competences to deal with them 

Maybe because when we are in good terms with ourselves, things look (and turn out to be) easier to lead... we feel healed

DAY 46

the healing power of the little things

When I look around and I take time to appreciate outstanding examples of grace which surround me, I wonder how can I feel unease, how can I argue with myself or others, how can I live with anger...

They are tiny and witty signs of this universe´s cleverness that usually goes unnoticed because the universe doesn´t boast about being miraculous, on the contrary it is subtle and respectful and doesn´t impose its viewpoints over ours... maybe because we come to this life to conquer light (not to be forced to accept light) and the option for realizing its mastery, it´s also a chance for awakening

But when I allow this things to come into my vision of reality, they change it dramatically... they untie all the knots of my soul and remove all the thorns that are stuck on my heart due to the simple act of living. They give me a renewed sense of pureness and naivety that many times doesn´t last much yet has a tremendous healing power

Things like for example: 

a simple seed or the shape of a leaf

the changing clouds that sail the sky

the diligence of the bees

the softness of a rose petal

the amazing design of a strawberry or the kiwi´s core

the inspiring color of a pumpkin

the sound and smell of the ocean



the rain

the first (and the last) ray of light

a simple blooming bush which show us the magnificence of nature

the radiant beauty of flowers

the splendor of wild landscape 


the savor of some spices and  aromatic herbs 

the small weeds which manage to grow up in a wall crack

the serene dignity of cats which hides a playful spirit

eyes and hands in constant motion which weave incredible stories

fragile feet that carry us far away...

the vulnerability and confidence of any life form


They are indeed, simple, ordinary things but their contemplation seems to me an act of meditation that leads me to the border of my conscious and penetrates my soul´s mysteries

here: a sage leaf

DAY 27

teapots

healing has to do with a simpler life style: we simplify our feelings, our thoughts, our needs and of course, our home environment

we learn to let go anger, obsessions, consumerism... false ideas about power and luxury and start to seek for peacefulness and comfort

we try to live consciously and be more respectful toward planet and people (including ourselves)

we try to show compassion and cultivate moderation

this doesn´t mean a lack of character or an extreme austerity, according to my point of view, it refers to balance and authenticity

we all have a limited capacity for storage (literal and metaphorically speaking), so it means also don´t clutter our inner and outward space with unnecessary details

the question is to tell the difference between what is necessary and what is not...

William Morris said “If you want a golden rule that will fit everything, this is it: Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful”

I think it says it all. And not only about our houses, but also about our inner spaces

DAY 21

time to write

when I write -just as when I create-,    I find my way into my inner world and stay connected to my soul wishes. And these are  amazing healing moments

Moments that make me able to notice the dynamic that powers my life, be aware of the patterns that explain my attitudes or behaviors, understand the energy bound up in this pattern and even release it, if I wish to