DAY 558

50

As you may already know it was my 50th birthday past week. As the days have  passed I have started to feel the urge to make a sort of assessment but I was no able to find an appropriate approach.

Finally, this morning I came up with this. They are just fifty random (and immaterial) things that happened to me along my first fifty years of life. They are not logically organized. They don´t summarize all my experiences, either or narrate a complete or coherent story, they are not even the most important or interesting, but they are for sure, some of the more decisive.

 They can seem recent facts or achievements, but they are not because even when I have faced some of them along the last decade they have been present in my life –some way or another- since my earlier years. Indeed I truly believe that this birthday is also a turning point as I have completed and closed many pending things from the past. I hope so. I celebrate it.


1. I have learnt how to deal with my feelings

2. I suffered and have overcome suffering

3. I understood the great importance of setting boundaries

4. I have learnt to love myself to love another

5. I stopped abuse and I liberated myself

6. I healed my past

7. I have developed a personal practice based on spirituality

8. I accepted guidance and asked for what I need

9. I have prayed a lot

10. I made contact with my inner power

11. I have tried to embrace my demons (keep trying)

12. I gave thanks to those tyrants in my life and I am letting them go

13. I have learnt how to live in the present, day after day (even when sometimes I am tempted to give up)

14. I understood that baby steps counts

15. I´ve been wrong about many things

16. I have had to accept the mind-body connections

17. I acknowledged that perfectionism is a way to run away (I am now a recovering perfectionist)

18. I made decisions and then, I forgot them and had to start again but this showed me how to live in process

19. I have forgiven myself for my weaknesses and my naivety and for handing over my own power

20. I understood why I should trust

21. I decided to restore a healthy sense of self

22. I have listened and been listened

23. I have questioned my conditionings

24. I discovered the allure of ordinary things

25. I have had to apologized and this taught me humbleness

26. I have appreciated everydayness almost every single day

27. I have tried to help as much as I can and have been helped a lot

28. I started to run after light

29. I resolved to cultivate mindfulness

30. One day I decided to rely on my soul don´t know exactly how or why

31. I started to consider myself a survivor, nor a victim

32. I have accepted that teaching is the voice of my soul

33. I started to practice authenticity and pay the consequences (all positive in the medium term)

34. I have cherished memories and mementos

35. I am trying to keep my journey (and my inner work) no matter what people said

36. I have laughed

37. I have dreamt a bit (maybe not as much as I have would liked)

38. I have –little by little- spread my wings

39. I have appreciated both calm and storm (I have gotten no choice!)

40. I expected miracles and miracles happened

41. I have loved (and being loved) much

42. I have created so many things… including life that is meaningful to me

43. I have walked my path with a joyful heart most of the days

44. I am internalizing why is so important to abandon those (both circumstances or persons) that try to invalidate me and I am exerting myself to act accordingly

45. I have had great masters

46. I have been arrogant and stubborn. It took me so much to bow down to my destiny, to love this life of mine as it is, but I am learning to do it

47. I have met kindred souls

48. I have learned to hear the messages of the spirit

49. I am realizing that I have to tame my ego if I want to be happy

50. I have come to understand that finally everything had to be exactly as it was

DAY 557

today

December has been a hectic month. I haven´t been around as much as I would have liked. Indeed, I wanted to explore Christmas season with my camera or have time to write about my feelings related to my inner work along this time of the year but I have had no time to socialize or stay connected. Finally, I am learning to go with the flow, so no regrets. Thanks to this, a quite complicated year has brought me peace and joy and a deep sense of belonging.

Have a wonderful day, dear friends and thanks so much for your love and support, my journey wouldn´t be so enriching, interesting and rewarding without you all. Your presence in my life has been a blessing.

This evening is also my birthday I will be 50 years old and I am determined to celebrate that I am right here, right now.

Merry, merry Christmas!!

Much Love,

Z.

DAY 365+135 = 500

in the prime of life

When I first started to think of this post which would be my first post of 2014 and where I wanted to talk about my New Year resolutions, I felt certain unease. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more uneasy I felt.

The first days of the New Year I usually outline what I intend to do as a way of manifesting it. I set goals and develop the guidelines of my inner work by choosing a word for the year. This, quite often,  gives rise to a working methodology which -frequently-nurtures this blog.

This has allowed me to move forward and heal (which is obviously, the aim that lies beneath this journey of mine), but when I thought about it this time, I realized that even when I wanted to keep this process (which is indeed a daily practice right now) and to continue to heal and to create more serenity, peace and joy in my life, I didn´t  want to do it the same way I´ve been doing it. 

Indeed, since December started, I knew that I didn´t feel like doing tasks related to New Year commitments (maybe because they were becoming a bit uninspiring). So instead of forcing myself to do it, I decided to abandon the pressure and the lists and try to find out the reason why I felt that way. 

While I was thinking of all these things, I had a request from Marcie of Vision and Verb because we were going to publish a post of communal intentions and suddenly I came up with this:

To regret less, enjoy more. Complain less, appreciate more. Expect less, love what is more. Reject less, embrace more. Judge less, respect more. Analyze less, celebrate more.

These words summarize what was going round in my head. In particular, the last paragraph. Once I wrote them without much reflection, they settled inside me -so to speak- and acquired new meanings. The more they stayed with me, the more I understood that they were meant to rule my life along the next twelve months, in particular -I have to say it again-  the last paragraph. Maybe because the first ones, some way sum up what I have been doing. In fact, they express a result and are a sort of reinforcement, but the last one is brand new.

Analyze less, celebrate more! I´ve been saying this to myself since I first wrote it. Sometimes exclaiming, often doubting myself. I´ve felt both hopeful and frightened. Could I be able to approach my life that way?, and finally, I have said, YES!. I know these words hold a deep truth to me, and I am sure they will lead me to a new level of consciousness.

When I think about celebrating, I am not only thinking about rejoicing in my accomplishments, I am thinking also, about performing new actions which can help me to support others and also about praise publicly who I am and how blessed I feel (now) being myself. I want to honor my journey, by celebrating any step of my path.

However, these are not resolutions, there are not goals, the only thing I want to do is invoking this energy of celebration. I don´t want to undertake any particular or predetermined task; I don´t want to plan anything, maybe for the first time in my life... I only want to see where this energy of celebration can lead me.

Of course, this can change it all. Indeed, this can change the style of my inner work, the essence of my practice, what I want to show to the world and what I want to share. It is already changing my mood!.

 I want this blog to reflect what I am talking about so keep an eye out for the next posts because I am going to offer new proposals that will meet all these characteristics.

I am so motivated by all this!!. Next December I´ll be 50 years old and I cannot imagine a better way to go over the months ahead. I also have found out that -by chance- this post which marks this turning point is my 500th post. Coincidence? I don´t think so.

Hope you will stay with me along this promising year.

Much Love to you all

Z.