DAY 606

I love this bend of my path

  It is not what I expected it to be, it is not safe or peaceful. It is complex and chaotic, and triggers moments of doubts. But it is thrilling and beautiful, too. It makes me feel deeply connected to the place from where I come and also quite inspired for the place I am ready to arrive.

Before, I used to think in different terms:  the place I wanted to leave versus the place I wanted to reach. Little I knew that as soon as I chose the word for this year (soar) that mindset would be drastically changed.  In fact, once I started to work on it months ago, I noticed that the idea of before and after -so to speak-  wouldn’t work. 

Quite often when we go through complicated events, we are prone to disown them, or the person we were at that moment, and we try to keep only the lessons.  It is a strategy that allows us to start healing but after some time (when we get better)  we feel that if we want to move forward, we should  reclaim ourselves wholeheartedly. 

Two months ago or so, I felt  that I was about to reach that moment. I knew  I had to immerse myself in the connection  between all I had lived  with the definition of myself from a  more authentic perspective in order to be where I dreamt of.

It was a sort of sudden revelation, and not  precisely a pleasant one, because I had the feeling that this couldbe a sort of repetition,  till I understood that Universe was giving me the chance to integrate  all my experiences in a more complex –and complete-  tapestry that was  still half-done. And so I have been doing.

I’ve been feeling this as a process of putting down roots. Also as a sort of restoration: by  trying to avoid pain, I erased many fundamental pieces that linked me to my origins and to the source of my essential energy. Without this protective support,  I have felt orphan, but now I am developing parts of myself downward. As a result, my wings have started to unfold. It may sound paradoxical but the more my sense of belonging increases, the more I feel that this will enable flight. 

Right now  I am  feeling a complex sense of heaviness or weight, an irresistible force of attraction to my own purpose and –at the same time-  I feel a lightness  made of pure joy, of pure grace.  It is as if I were on tiptoe, moving to a higher position, springing to the air, looking up, reaching heaven while  my core –my true self-  shines composed and a golden –endless- rope ties me to it.

I feel as if I were living on earth and wandering through air at the same time, an this is -believe me- a wonderful feeling that is leading me to amazing places from where I am planning to soar even higher. 

If you don't find me here, I'll be there... waiting for you.

Much Love to you, dear friends

Z.