DAY 550

an awkward revelation

I don´t mind to admit that often my heart breaks into pieces.

No matter what my mind rationally argues or what I said to myself about the essence of life; what advices I can receive or look for; how deeply I go into my practice; how neatly I try to stay present, meditate or re-focus myself on what is important.

No matter if I am diligent or lazy when the time to accept my emotions comes, if I embrace or neglect them.

All those thing start to be important later on,  when I start to deal with causes and consequences but none of them prevent my heart from falling apart when I have to face up the nature of this existence.

Maybe it would be cooler or more alluring try to pretend that I am beyond all the mundane wishes and yearnings or the perplexity caused by what indeed is natural, but this wouldn´t be true to my real self.

When pain, violence, injustice, abandonment, negligence, abuse, solitude, fragility hit me, right in that  same moment,  I feel how new fissures appear in my heart. They are caused by sorrow, caused by anger.

I have learnt to fix them. To gather the scraps and keep them together when the rupture is too serious. I have learnt to live with this cracked, fragmented, heart and come to understand that all this comes from empathy and compassion (that often go unnoticed due to the fact that I am an introvert).

It is not easy to live with a brittle heart. It can create negativity and disappointment or a false sense of detachment and a lack of concern. Consequently, it is important to consciously cultivate resilience and hope and joy and of course, courage in order to act according to what the heart is feeling. It is crucial also, try not to toughen it (even when we can be tempted to do it) because healing cannot be originated through indifference.

As far as I am concerned that kind of balance is essential because when things fail to move us, grief gains ground, insanity starts to rule and all things good can be corrupted.