DAY 549

holding onto this place

Lately, I´ve been trying to reinforce my beliefs so I have written a lot about being present because it´s something that I need very much right now. Thanks to this, I am preserving my good sense and my positive mood in this moment of my life. This has made me confirm once again the great importance of a daily practice which allows me to approach these endless changes and mutations.

I think it will never finish, just because life never cease to challenge me (us) but it is evolving. When I started I already was clear about the importance of that practice but I was prone to struggle against what comes to meet me. I was prone to rejection and I usually thought that I could control my life. Indeed, my inner work was initially an attempt to do it although I didn´t know back then. 

Now,  I have realized that what I try to develop in my life -and to communicate here- is all about surrender. Not about asking, but about accepting. Not about planning, but about believing that things will occur if we trust our path and our inner voice. Not about demanding more or better things, but about being able to discover the unexpected beauty that lies in what already exists. Not about creating a future, but about enjoying the present.

Along these years I have understood that the more I live (and love, when I can) what it is, the more my life looks like as I dreamed of. The more I practice mindfulness, the more I find reasons to live this concrete life. The more I bow down to my destiny, the more I discover that this is the life I was expecting, the life I was meant to live.

However, this is not always easy. If I neglect my practice some way or another, sooner or later I find myself lost in rambling thoughts and attitudes which don´t lead me to any safe place, in particular when something that calls for special efforts appears.

This usually made me feel angry (yes, I know...). I couldn´t believe that after all the hard work, I still could wobble, felt unsteady, but this was exactly what happened. This anger made me be a bit rebellious and develop some resistance, but I am learning to overcome all this. When I need an extra-doses of consciousness I look for it and let my pride and arrogance aside.

Consequently, I often feel that I am repeating myself by the recitation of the same truths once and again but I do it anyway. I have come to the conclusion that repetition, routine and discipline are intrinsic part of my (any) process and the way I am improving little by little.

Today, I come here to claim again one of those old things, because while some life circumstances are testing me (I´ll write about this on coming posts) I need to remind myself that the more I put down roots here -the more I align myself with light and the more I rely on my own inner power- the more I bloom.