DAY 338

this moment

These last days have been chaotic. On Saturday I had a meeting with my siblings to talk about what I was planning to do. I wasn´t asking their permission, I was only giving them the appropriate information

Finally I decided to look for professional help to cover my brother and mother daily needs. We are not going to take turns looking after them, because the situation is too complex. They are going to have professional assistance on regular basis, indeed three persons are going to be working at my mom´s house because they need constant watchfulness

Till now they (mom and brother) have been reluctant to accept this kind of attention, because even when they have mobility problems they have also certain autonomy and help each other, but now my brother has a broken leg and there is not another way to guarantee them a decent, gentle and efficient attention, only this one

To be honest, I haven´t been too enthusiastic, either. My sense of responsibility, my need to do more than I can really do, and my tendency to look for solutions that fit what I have in mind, instead of accepting things as they are, were playing dirty tricks on me. But my brother situation forced me to face up reality:

they are too vulnerable to be alone

I cannot help more than I am currently helping

my siblings have a varied attitude and some of them don´t want to take their responsibility and I don´t want to keep motivating  them or creating situations to save them from their own decisions at my expense... not anymore

It was not easy to assume all this,  but once I saw clear in my mind I knew the only way I could help my mom and my brother (and liberate myself) was hiring specialized professionals. So last days I´ve been busy making phone calls, rearranging the house, buying all the things they will need and the most important meeting with the applicants in order to select the best ones and try them during the first days of this week

As usual I have found difficult to ask for help but I think this time I have managed the situation much better, I could be able to count on some of my sisters, my sister in law, and some of my nieces and nephews. They have been so helpful and such a great support...

At this moment there are three ladies working in shifts at my mom´s house. They look reliable and also, very gentle and I am praying that they are as good workers and persons as they seem to be

I don´t know why, but I have the feeling that now that I have acted from my center, that I am more aligned with my life as it is, my future will be brighter. I know that problems will arrive but I have the feeling that battles ahead won´t be so bloody. I guess this is the power of consciousness


PS: I am behind with my blog due to my life circumstances. I am transcribing my impressions of previous days in order to catch up with my posts