DAY 281

good morning summer holiday (hello uncertainty)

I am getting ready for my vacations. I will stay at home along august, except for a visit to my mother and some daytrips to the countryside if the weather gets better and temperatures drop. I am so looking forward to having these lazy days...

I have no plans but I have tons of lists of to do things. This can sounds paradoxical and  maybe this is the reason why I have contradictory feelings about how to enjoy my vacation: I want to make the most of my time but at the same time I want to stop and rest

When I talk about this with other persons, they don´t understand me. These days are supposed to be a period of leisure, to spend in an unhurried manner but when I try to think of them I always start to conceive ways of spending my time productively and, in my case, this means catching up with my personal projects. I can hardly allow myself to be inactive, even when I know that I need to regain strength

I try to excuse myself, saying that this is the only free month I have along the year to tackle some things, and it´s partly true but of course, this has also to do with my need to be always doing something (the more I do, the better I feel) and to my need to take on too much. Most of the time my goals are overly ambitious and regardless this I manage to achieve them and even to find them pleasant, but this makes me have the feeling that I am always behind, that I am not doing enough... I know this is not good but I can´t keep at bay this tendency (even when I have improved a lot)

I have only a few options: I can keep it or I can rearrange my goals in order to be more tranquil and consider my need of resting to be a goal. I can be more realistic, and by reducing my need to be perfect create room to be more organized and relaxed. I can decide to be a bit more benevolent with myself, and accept that I´m not doing too bad, whatever choice I may make. And don´t start to think that this is not a good way to start my vacation

 It´s up to me

1 comment:

Danielle said...

It is up to us to make these good choices for ourselves. This is the first summer that I cut down on my teaching and had extra time to really concentrate on what a vacation really is all about. It took commitment on my part...and learning to say no...to myself and to other people...it was difficult at first..but oh so easy now. I can honestly say that this has been a summer of discovery for me, because I took the time to nurture myself and say not to some very bad habits of perfection ;) I wish you well on this journey....be kind to yourself and practice saying no to the 'routine' and yes to the 'unpredictable'.

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