DAY 117


Last weeks I have been feeling exhausted. Apart from little epiphanies, I have felt tired, anxious and a bit downhearted. I don´t know exactly why... probably due to tiredness itself

I´ve been also upset by my own behave, because instead of facing up my own discontent through a more conscious attitude, I´ve been keeping only a slightly daily routine. Of course, I´ve been very busy but also, a bit absent. And doing all things that make me feel even worse: complaining, working without taking any break, procrastinating and forgetting my schedules and priorities

I´ve been having the feeling that I was losing touch with my inner being without putting things right. On the contrary, somehow I was gloating over it 

This happens to me easily, when I start this way it seems that I am not able to stop, this triggers all my perfectionism patterns and I feel worse and worse every passing second. Obviously, while I am being reactive to this sort of situations (rather than creating a new response) I am not  able to change my mood 

It takes me days (less and less each time, is true) realizing what I´m doing wrong, but quite often what happens is that I am not accepting my own unease, the fact that I am not going to be well, inspired, joyful and serene all the time (regardless as much as I can increase the quantity of my inner work)

I´m not totally clear about how overcome this recurrent situations: maybe the secret is to be patient and perseverant...  or maybe the secret is not to think that I need to overcome it: life is a process which involves moments of awaken and grey days following by instants of connection, the sense of being lost and unexpected messages and miracles and what is really important is the feeling that we are where we should be rain or shine

... because even the darkest day can enclose a treasure

1 comment:

Gwen said...

This is a really beautiful photograph and I hope you are feeling more positive soon:)

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