DAY 577

in {and out} Week 14: Spring

Spring has come so timely this year!. 

You may say that spring always starts the same day and it´s true, but I mean that spring has been very welcome in this moment of my life. The start of the year was a hard winter to me, not only meteorologically speaking, but from an emotional point of view. I had to go through some devastating losses and as result, I felt not only terribly sad and tired but also, totally away from what usually inspires me: I only wanted to cease from all activity.

What I was feeling was not that alien to me, but I had always struggled against that state of mind setting new goals, and this time I simply couldn´t find enough energy to do it. I felt bewildered, disconcerted (and so the persons around me were). I felt that I was going to fall into despair, that I would go deep into a hopeless land but one only things happened: stillness… a vast, stunning stillness. It could have led me to a definitive listlessness but surprisingly, created room for reflection and allowed me to connect with my true essence.

Retrospectively, I can see that during this challenging time I didn´t force myself to make things, to start new complex projects or to stay busy (this would have been me my strategies in previous stages of my life). I just stood still and this –paradoxically- created renovation. I permitted myself to be embraced by this concrete process and that made me realize how much I force myself to do things that I really don´t want to do.

Benevolence to myself was a sort of light blinking in the darkness that presaged the termination of my winter. Finally, it has come to an end and accidentally (or maybe not) it has coincided with the end of the solstice.

Right now I want to get lost in this promising spring, stay open to new intuitions and strengthen the flood of life and joy that I feel inside me... but I am not going to do it hastily. I am going to penetrate into this sweet spring on tiptoe, softly, slowly (yet steadily) till I find the propitious soil to keep growing and plentifully flourish.

This entry is part of a project I am developing with my friend Montse Gallardo. We´ll share a photo every week during 2015. Her photos will be always taken outside and my photos will be indoor shots only. We have created a Facebook page: In and Out. 52 weeks where you can see all the photos of the project.