DAY 509

this week I am celebrating MY JOURNEY

It´s strange being here… years have gone so fast, all the changes that could have lasted ages, finally have happened in a flash.

What used to be painful now arrives quiet to my heart like the murmur of a distant ocean. The anger is turning into something new, less pointed, and reaches the edge of my soul when is muted, dull... appeased. And many memories are simply vanishing.

It´s strange being here… after so many battles, what have stayed?. The clamor of wins and failures is now attenuated along with the need to please, to be perfect... to be loved.

Nothing seems to be as important as it seemed to be. Nothing seems to be so terrible, so transcendent. Every single thing seems to have a place, a reason to be, to happen, a message that I can´t wait to decode.

It´s strange being here… doubts, expectations and rigidness don´t stand out anymore and my center seems to be expanding beyond my own boundaries, so now I am centered even when I am eccentric. And suddenly I don´t need to exert myself to mend my life, I finally can walk by what is imperfect and unfinished.

I am starting to be impervious to others demands but I still ache for the world, for what is unfair and deceitful. I don´t know if I will be able to accept this one day, I don´t think so, I only acquiesce to deal with it, but I get along with this.

It´s strange being here… I see myself while getting acquainted with fear, feeding what made me insecure, taking my shadow to pieces without blinking an eye.

Where is all that swell?. Where is the lack of understanding, the sense of not belonging here, of not being enough?. Where is the horrific sense of inner breaking?. Where is the remorse for my supposed misdeeds, for not being much better or clever or awake?. They have gone away.

It´s strange being here... feeling that I can trust and stay safe and relearn to love and forgive and be adventurous and hopeful while being exactly the same person I´ve always been.

It´s strange being here… and also wonderful and amazing and rewarding.

That is the reason why I am celebrating this outward and return (inward) expedition. Celebrate with me!. And celebrate also your own journey.

Much Love

Z.