|brief recap and reaffirmation|
So the last day of the year finally arrived and gone by. I have no way to enumerate all the significant things that past year has brought me. I am not sure I want to make a long list of achievements or the challenges I have faced up successfully (yet with much pain sometimes)
My main intention along 2012 was to embrace whatever could come to meet me. I wanted to go further than acceptance which to me is a more passive attitude, but I didn´t imagine that through this process my prejudices about who I should be and my true needs started to grow apart
I thought that by embracing my life I wouldn´t question my reality, but I have stopped questioning myself. This has been the main consequence of my practice this year: I´ve realized that I can´t embrace the rest of the world if I don´t embrace myself first. So I have started to validate my own feelings and be kind to me. This has made me understand that I have to love myself much more than I actually do. Love myself even amidst a lack of accomplishment, love myself even when there is not nothing important to tell, love myself even when I am fragile or wrong, love myself when I can´t show any distinction or merit...
Maybe because this has happened, today I don´t feel like making a list describing fleeting moments of awareness, days of sorrow, the sudden joy that has hit me so often, the sweet and increasing sense of belonging that I have be feeling, the lapses back into former frames of mind and the tender recovering that has forced me to get in touch with my most highest self, through vulnerability. I don´t need to take stock of this year (not anymore) to prove myself that it has been fruitful or to demonstrate that I am good enough
Almost every day I have came here with my raw emotions and I have dealt with them using what I had at hand: a trained mind to observe, my pensive mood, my introspective character, my ability for feeling joy and focusing on beauty, my wounded heart, my brave spirit. Moment after moment, step by step. This has helped me to close some doors and open new ones and for this I am grateful, but I don´t need to display my medals (not anymore).
This is not a highest, final or decisive point, it is just another stretch of my path towards a more intentional life.
The new year has come and I will try to honor and celebrate the old lessons and learn the new ones… patiently, compassionately, respectfully, reverently. Moment after moment, step by step.
Wishing you all the best in 2013. Much Love Z.