DAY 331

the magic of the present moment II

I´ve been meditating and looking for ways to solve my mom and brother situation, but the whole strategy came to my mind when I managed be back to my center through everyday tasks

My kitty´s illness forced me to stay at home (when I was ready to run away to my mom´s house) and J. forced me to stop my mind and focus on what really matters. Even when he was quite far away, he knows me well and reminded me all the way I have covered since I started my inner work and he made me notice that I was working with my old mind frames

So along the weekend I started to let the anxiety go and I was able to visualize what I could do. I have commented it on my previous posts but now I want to go into some details

When I was alone, moving around the house, cleaning, lighting my candles, praying for help, I realized that I had to keep my mom and my brother at home, regardless what my siblings could think and design a system to provide them with the attentions they needed. I saw clearly that the only way they could stay together and preserve their dignity was to hire professional caregivers twenty four hours per day, because this was the only way constant cares could be guaranteed

I felt deep inside me that this was the right solution. Not only because it´s not easy to find out institutional cares in the place where they live, but because this was the best way to preserve their way of living and keep them safe

The last time I visited my mom by chance (four days before my brother fell down), I didn´t like what I saw.  The person who was looking after her and the house was not careful enough. When I arrived that Saturday, my mother and my brother were alone, the meal was not enough for a whole weekend, my mother was sitting in her nightdress because no one came help her to change her clothes, and I felt she was very disoriented, the fridge was empty... I felt devastated, because they look like they were alone in the world

As a Latin family we are prone to expect that family members assume these kind of responsibilities. I myself have been reluctant to accept that most of my family members are not going to take those responsibilities even when I know my family so well (!). I think cultural influence and my need to rescue them from their own actions has been the reason why I haven´t been able to make new decisions, but now I am clear about the whole thing: once I saw this new chance, I understood how wrong I´ve been along this last year

 No regrets, I did my best but now it´s time to move on, my friends. And believe me, I won´t be back


PS: I am behind with my blog due to my life circumstances. I am transcribing my impressions of previous days in order to catch up with my posts