DAY 310

the sweetest accomplishment

I usually plan summers to update my personal projects, make some crafts and catch up with my house keeping. This causes contradictory sentiments, because even when I feel I have to stop and do nothing, I also want to make things that otherwise I won´t be able to do

As a recovering perfectionist, I still am prone to make the most of every opportunity to create the ideal life that I think I should be living and I still too concerned by doing. I try to be watchful, but summer with its long and free days can be very tempting. So during this season I often fluctuate between acceptance of my needs and fulfillment of my wishes

This year when my summer vacation started I had many objectives, but now, it is almost over and most of them keep untouched. After two weeks at my mom´s house, when I was back home I didn´t find the mood and the strength to start to paint a wall, rearrange wardrobes, make collages or face up cluttered drawers. Usually, I would have felt uneasy, but this time I didn´t feel up to anything

Paradoxically, this situation has had a wonderful effect: all that inner conflict has disappeared, time has faded away and the only thing I´ve done  is following my heart (even when it has carried me to complicated places sometimes) and, believe me,  this is the best thing that could happen to me

When this morning I thought that work would start next Monday, I started to feel frustrated, very frustrated, but then I realized that I was going on about the same vicious circle again. So I decided to realize the above analysis, and to point out the good things of this summer vacation:

I´ve discover the rewarding side of caring and also,

spoken with my own voice

noticed that feeling uneasy doesn´t change my true inner mood

started to move forward from anger to compassion

realized that I´ve healed most of my wounds

embraced my perspective regardless external judgments

been gentle to myself and respected my own pace

discover that I can deal peacefully with my old mind frames

trusted my truth

acknowledged that my story matters

and

abandoned my need to prove anything


So this summer, maybe I haven´t rested or done a lot but I have experienced many relevant things that make me feel proud of myself (which is not that usual) and lighter no matter my neglected projects... after all, what achievements could be more significant than being a little bit happier and quieter?