DAY 302

the return

Back my home after fourteen days at my mom´s house has been a shocking experience. I wanted so much to be here again, but when I arrived all the things I was looking forward seemed to have lost all their glamour

Silence was not so inviting

Rest was not so desirable

Free time was not so tempting

Aloneness was not so appealing

Contemplation was not so alluring, not at all

And the serene pace of my days was not captivating anymore

I missed being in charge of family routines. I felt exhausted. I didn´t want to keep giving more of myself. I wanted to be indulged with a great deal of attention. I knew the ones who stayed at home were waiting for me and my affection. I didn´t feel strong enough to give them what they were waiting for. I didn´t feel balanced enough to accept their love. I felt empty. I felt undermined by sorrow. I was bewildered and overwhelmed

J., using his infinite patience and wisdom, let me alone. He knew I needed time to returned to my normal mood. So he prepared a light dinner, kissed me goodnight and sent me to bed. How can he be so sweet?. How can I be so lucky?

When I went to bed I very much doubted that I would be able to appear calmed down the morning after. When I woke up, he was at work but look who was waiting for me?

I hadn´t cuddled her very much the day before. But there she was in the coffee table, knowing that I would arrive there to have a cup of tea, featuring what I call her granny face (after all, she is 14 years old), looking at me so seriously and understandingly but a bit sad. She seemed to know that this storm too would pass...

And a little voice inside me said: awake! don´t you know that light is inside you?