DAY274

owning my own power

Do you hear a low voice inside you that often seems to be right, wise and deeply connected to your heartfelt wishes and to those things that make you stronger, happier and at peace with yourself? I can hear it

Do you pay attention to it and follow its advices? I am learning to do it,  but I´ve been prone to ignore it.

I´m  afraid I´ve been quite unruly and arrogant, I needed to prove my own importance and abilities by obstructing its advances. I was firmly resolved to fulfill a certain idea of me which I had built up along the years in order to make up for my confused emotions and didn´t realize that I was living behind a mask

To be honest, the inertia of a whole life´s habit was big but the pain was even bigger and little by little I started to change. Even so,  it took me time to start to really listen to that whispering voice. I was on the alert for its words but I continued expressing doubts about them and I still wanted to be in control of the situation for a long time

I didn´t want to take notice of what it was saying because this could mean to make my real self visible. This could mean to flow with life as it is or make healthy decisions, and there was a part of me, the part of me that helped me to survive as a child, that wasn´t ready to run those  risks and was being supported by my ego (my need to be esteemed, flattered… my conceit)

Luckily, at a given moment, I realized  my healing process was being sabotaged because some parts of me didn´t want to slacken the reins, did want to preserve prominence and were keeping my inner clarity at a safe distance

This was a shocking find. I was trying to move on and I was developing a growing resistance inside me at the same time, so I experienced a sort of breakdown between thought, emotion and behavior. Then, one day I don´t know exactly why, I started to read about the shadow effect and it was like finding a  missing link in my inner process, the first of more to come

After acknowledging its influence and working on many aspects of this matter, many things started to align. I´ve needed a few collapses, challenges and conflicts more, to be able to empower myself , let go what no longer serves me and to surrender to this tiny voice, but now I bow down to its wisdom

…And I seem to be "deaf" less and less