DAY 163

sugar sighs

My mother really has a sweet tooth and she is also, a chocolate lover

I don´t like sweets so much and indeed, I am not a sugar advocate -although I love chocolate too-, but when I visit her I always carry sweet treats with me because she appreciates (and enjoy) them very much

I could try to change her habits, and try to introduce her into new ones, but generally speaking her meals are healthy and at this stage of her life, I find that is more important her pleasure than my ideas or convictions.

I don´t want to spend this time we are sharing talking about what she is doing right or wrong, except if it´s essential, because this causes an unnecessary anxiety and undermines her dignity. I truly believe that now I have to try to respect her more than ever and try not to question her values, tastes and point of views

Quite often we are prone to overdramatize problems of old people. We try to correct them and make them living just as we want, just because they are dependent on us, and this is not good at all

I can see this every time a health counselor comes to my mom´s house (as happened this week): they never talk about her sentiments or try to figure out her circumstances. They just give her generic orders and instructions which make feel her misunderstanding and confused. Most of them are, moreover, useless, because have nothing to do with my mother´s experiences, her way of life or capacities

This always makes me feel frustrated (even when I uderstand that they are well-intentioned) and a bit angry... and I argue with them about what my mother´s needs, often in vain

But this time, I took it easy and follow a different strategy because I didn´t want my mother to feel hopeless: I let them recit their well learned speech, I asked for fundamental information and when they left, I shared this tiny meringues, which are known as "sighs",  with my mother. We talked about the advices of the counselors and we laughed a bit I don´t know exactly why...

Maybe compassion is just this: the capacity to understand and share feelings and to laugh (or cry) together

1 comment:

Kathy, PaperPumpkin said...

Compassion. So happy you had quality time with your mother,over a favorite treat of hers! This reminds me of final treats with my Dad...soon to be 20 years ago. One of my most favorite memories is of "sneaking" him chocolate and holiday brandy-eggnog that last Christmas, when Mom said it "wasn't good for him"! It was, oh, it was!!

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