DAY 91

praise the changes

Yesterday I was musing on freedom and on the idea of expecting nothing. As a recovering perfectionist and someone who usually wanted to control every circumstance of her life, the need to let go expectations arises from time to time, so this sort of reflections is a recurrent part of my inner work

Along my life I´ve always had a strong feeling that things should happen the way I had planned even when they were not depending on me... Regardless my deep knowledge about some issues (life led me to teach educational planning), I used to ignore the golden rules of this subject and insist on setting unattainable personal goals and/or on trying to make any other persons behave as I want them to do it

There is not need to say that this caused me pain and frustration, but I couldn´t help doing it. My emotional distress was very serious when I started to understand that my fight for being perfect was not being rewarded as I expected: it was just a deception... and what is worse, it was a deception that makes me act insanely

Once, I understood it, I started to be aware of all the expectations I had to handle everyday of my life and also, their origin and consequences. Gradually, through this process, I began to notice that I could expect less and appreciate more and this made a whole difference

I don´t know exactly when I changed my mind and finally started to let go of harmful patterns but this has allowed me to build an unconditional friendliness toward myself (as I have learnt, expectations, disappointment and self-denigration are closely linked)

This friendship as any other friendship has up and downs but it´s leading me to understand a few keys that are changing my life:

There´s not need to fix nothing

I can honor myself as I am now, and evolve nicely at the same time

I don´t need to be perfect

I need to have goals that respect my energy

I don´t need to pray for approval anymore, I wish an awakened heart and completely open mind

I deserve love and clarity

1 comment:

georgia b. said...

you write well about a lot of things that we all think about, but not all of us can express through words/writing. i especially like this line...
"i need to have goals that respect my energy"

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...