DAY 281

good morning summer holiday (hello uncertainty)

I am getting ready for my vacations. I will stay at home along august, except for a visit to my mother and some daytrips to the countryside if the weather gets better and temperatures drop. I am so looking forward to having these lazy days...

I have no plans but I have tons of lists of to do things. This can sounds paradoxical and  maybe this is the reason why I have contradictory feelings about how to enjoy my vacation: I want to make the most of my time but at the same time I want to stop and rest

When I talk about this with other persons, they don´t understand me. These days are supposed to be a period of leisure, to spend in an unhurried manner but when I try to think of them I always start to conceive ways of spending my time productively and, in my case, this means catching up with my personal projects. I can hardly allow myself to be inactive, even when I know that I need to regain strength

I try to excuse myself, saying that this is the only free month I have along the year to tackle some things, and it´s partly true but of course, this has also to do with my need to be always doing something (the more I do, the better I feel) and to my need to take on too much. Most of the time my goals are overly ambitious and regardless this I manage to achieve them and even to find them pleasant, but this makes me have the feeling that I am always behind, that I am not doing enough... I know this is not good but I can´t keep at bay this tendency (even when I have improved a lot)

I have only a few options: I can keep it or I can rearrange my goals in order to be more tranquil and consider my need of resting to be a goal. I can be more realistic, and by reducing my need to be perfect create room to be more organized and relaxed. I can decide to be a bit more benevolent with myself, and accept that I´m not doing too bad, whatever choice I may make. And don´t start to think that this is not a good way to start my vacation

 It´s up to me

DAY 280

"So the question is not: Why start off on such a path?
You have already started off. You did so with the first beat of your heart. The question is: Do I wish to walk this path consciously, or unconsciously? With awareness or lack of awareness? As the cause of my experience, or at the effect of it? "

Neale Donald Walsch

DAY 279

family

Parents and children, living together as unit. Sounds easy. It is not

According to my experience, family usually is not only a great source of inspiration, but also of conflicts, because when you are raised by a family you are socialized according to its rules, this means it´s going to make you behave in a way that is acceptable to it

However, families can be mistaken and maybe family rules couldn´t be adequate for certain members of the family or they could be even insane. As children we are not able to distinguish between right and wrong things so we accept what we see around us uncritically. We have not any other parameters in order to compare, so we believe that what we live is what normal life usually is. This amazing adaptability allows us to survive, but serious damages can be unavoidable

Obviously, the magnitude of the damages will depend on families, but also on the nature of every single individual. They will be not only related to intentions and attitudes, but to many other things and experiences

In a society where family unit is a main core it´s difficult to talk about this issue  without awaken contradictory sentiments, because this can be understood as doubts about those we love and not as searching for clarity

I am not saying that all the things that cause us unease are related to our families, but many of them are related to mind frames that are created along our early years, where family has a predominant importance. I am not claiming its share of the blame, either. I am only saying that if we want to heal our behavior patterns, we have to be ready to examine their foundations, and there we will find -among other things- the family´s alchemy

The way my family works, our story and relationships -that have a dysfunctional bias due to different circumstances-  has had a deep impact on me, not always in a positive way. I am not going to go into this topic in any depth right now, even when I know that I will write about it sooner or later because it´s something I need to share. Suffice is to say that I have had to face up its influence in order to understand those frames and patterns I mentioned above

When I started to become fully aware of my personal dynamics and their origins, I was amazed and hurt and angry... and I often asked to myself how my life would have been with other beginnings,  more peaceful, less complicated. Later I realized this question was invalidating my life, my story, my struggle, proving they were erroneous, when they were not

So when I started to look at this dispassionately (in the best sense of the word) and compassionately, somehow, I started to believe that going through my childhood (including my life with my family) entailed some challenges that I needed to unfold my talents and gifts

Could they be unfolded by living a completely different life? Probably, I am not sure

Could I love to have a more pleasant life? Sure! But this is the life I had and the life I am decided to honor because it has led me here, to this unique moment

DAY 278

life is gentle

My mother used to say that to me, and the words came to my mind when I was taking this photo

She told me that when she was very young, every time she had a bad experience (she lived a war so you can imagine her youth was not that easy) she wished to be dead but afterwards, when situation returned to normal and she started a life as a young wife and mother, even when she had to face up very hard experiences, she never said this again: she was afraid her wish could come true, because along the years, regardless the hard times, she had discovered that life was gentle

I paid attention to this story as I always paid attention to my mom´s stories (yes, I was that kind of girl) but I didn´t really understood what she  wanted to say. But now, after dealing with complicated personal experiences, when I am facing a historic moment which -in my opinion- is actually the most challenging moment that my generation has had to live ever before, I am starting to feel what she felt

Looking back, I can see that my mother went through her complicated life successfully, keeping her good sense, thanks to the mentioned belief that in her case was deeply related to the enjoyment of simple things

Somehow, my own path has led me to confirm her statement and even when my process has been completely different as I´ve been consciously trying to heal my life, I think she sowed this good seed in my mind and it showed itself to be a good foundation

Now I usually say the same phrase that my mother taught me long ago, and when I say it, I really mean it

DAY 277

"Manifest plainness,  
embrace simplicity, reduce selfishness, have few desires."

Lao Tzu


flower art friday,  floral friday foto  : dusk

DAY 276

behind the camera

I´ve  been looking for my own reflection all month long. I am member of a flickr group  and this was the month´s challenge. Often I have not time or chances to take my self-portraits following the group guidelines, but this month -as the theme was not so difficult or this I thought- I was determined to do it

Of course, I didn´t want to focus on the easiest captures. I wanted to create something a bit different, so I´ve been paying attention to places that could reflect my image. I´ve been also playing at home with different mirrors. I had two things in mind, take a photo where the camera was not visible and create a beautiful composition

But all my attempts have been vain. I took a few photos but most of them were awful. I was decided to give up, when last Saturday I took a couples of pictures by chance when I discovered my reflection in a shop window. I was waiting for my husband who was coming to help me with the shopping bags and I was bored so I held the camera and started to play a bit

At the first moment I didn´t like them, either. According to my opinion, they didn´t comply my minimum quality standards: the background is an abandoned house, I am holding the camera and wearing my sunglasses, the scene is nothing special... indeed, this is the most ordinary reflection one can take

But as days went by, I started to feel attracted to them. They reflect the person that I am right now, the person whose soul I´ve been glimpsing while I was in search for the perfect location where capture the perfect reflection

 No matter if I was walking, investigating, carrying the camera, going from one place to another with my big bag and sneakers, or perfectly dressed up with folders, ready to work...  every time I have looked at my reflection, these days, I´ve had the feeling that I could perceive a distinctive, and new, energy surrounding myself, like if an antique patina was been removed from the image. Indeed, I see myself more steady and bold, more serene and adventurous but in a happy way

 So finally, I´ve decided to stay true to this stage of my life where the scenario is the real life...

nothing more, nothing less

DAY 275

The way I walk through the world now

While I was editing some takes of my fruit salad, the caption of this photo was coming continually to my mind. Mixing some strawberries, kiwi fruits, melon, apple and nectarines with a splash of lemon juice might seem something ordinary, and it really is, but somehow is also the most perfect or typical example of all the things that I have changed in my life along the latest years

I´m not going to explain the whys and hows of these changes, or the before and after (I´ve been talking about all this in a very little-systematic way along 275 posts), but I will say what this photo makes me feel comparing to what I used to feel, and maybe, you will understand what are the causes that made a simple bowl of cut fruits turned into something unique

I feel that now  I am

responsible for my life, not delegating to others

aware of my needs, not self-destructive

free, no longer tied down by old conditionings

careful with myself, not neglectful

focused on what really matters, not concerned by things of little value or importance

strong and secure, not surrounded by fear and anxiety

allied with my own vision and my purpose, not unable to find my way

true to my memories, not lost on my story

grateful, not trapped on my self-demanding attitudes

vibrant, not dull or invisible

healthy, not tired or insane

relaxed, less obsessive

joyful not resentful or inhibiting my true wishes

tolerant, not so harsh and disapproving

happy with my gifts, not wanting more

right here, right now

...and  not wanting to be in any other place

DAY274

owning my own power

Do you hear a low voice inside you that often seems to be right, wise and deeply connected to your heartfelt wishes and to those things that make you stronger, happier and at peace with yourself? I can hear it

Do you pay attention to it and follow its advices? I am learning to do it,  but I´ve been prone to ignore it.

I´m  afraid I´ve been quite unruly and arrogant, I needed to prove my own importance and abilities by obstructing its advances. I was firmly resolved to fulfill a certain idea of me which I had built up along the years in order to make up for my confused emotions and didn´t realize that I was living behind a mask

To be honest, the inertia of a whole life´s habit was big but the pain was even bigger and little by little I started to change. Even so,  it took me time to start to really listen to that whispering voice. I was on the alert for its words but I continued expressing doubts about them and I still wanted to be in control of the situation for a long time

I didn´t want to take notice of what it was saying because this could mean to make my real self visible. This could mean to flow with life as it is or make healthy decisions, and there was a part of me, the part of me that helped me to survive as a child, that wasn´t ready to run those  risks and was being supported by my ego (my need to be esteemed, flattered… my conceit)

Luckily, at a given moment, I realized  my healing process was being sabotaged because some parts of me didn´t want to slacken the reins, did want to preserve prominence and were keeping my inner clarity at a safe distance

This was a shocking find. I was trying to move on and I was developing a growing resistance inside me at the same time, so I experienced a sort of breakdown between thought, emotion and behavior. Then, one day I don´t know exactly why, I started to read about the shadow effect and it was like finding a  missing link in my inner process, the first of more to come

After acknowledging its influence and working on many aspects of this matter, many things started to align. I´ve needed a few collapses, challenges and conflicts more, to be able to empower myself , let go what no longer serves me and to surrender to this tiny voice, but now I bow down to its wisdom

…And I seem to be "deaf" less and less

DAY 273

"The rose is without why, it blooms because it blooms,
It pays no attention to itself, asks not whether it is seen"

Angelus Silesius

I´ve been a long time without thinking of this quote which I read long ago as student and also because it was one of the favorite quotes of Jorge Luis Borges, and I was very fond of his books when I was much younger

But while I was editing the last photos I took in the park, and I saw this one it came clearly to my mind as a sort of epilogue of a previous post. This way my photo walk, my current musings and my past learnings have shown themselves beautifully connected

In this case, what triggered this connection was the back story of this photo: when I arrived to the small garden of roses inside the park, I found that most of the roses were ruined due to high temperatures, but amid the chaos of burnt petals and dry buds, this rose was flowering peacefully and caught my attention

This happens to me more often every passing day. I am doing something and suddenly I find out a new nexus between two things previously independent, and this is an awesome mode to understand the beautiful harmony of my path 

There is a short of clever symmetry that goes through all the events of my life and makes them relevant in a given moment, no matter what I thought about them before. Things seem to be constantly moving and acquiring new meanings as I go into this journey in depth. It´s amazing  

It´s like all the random episodes, the important events, the accidents, the traumatic experiences, the mistakes, the miracles, the coincidences and so on were fitting in a biggest plan. It´s a wonderful feeling 


Does this happen to you, too?


favourite photo monday: a rose power 

DAY 272

heat wave

My blog´s entries have been behind schedule lately, and this is the main reason why this has been happening this time. The hot  weather is not especially inspiring and makes me feel sleepy

As you can see I am not the only one, but she doesn´t feel ashamed of having a nap anytime she need it. Far from it, I´ve been trying to stay active all week long, but along the weekend, after five days suffering the extreme temperatures, I´ve finally decided to throw in the towel and follow my cat´s example (and the advices of authorities): stay at home, rest, go outside only if necessary and don´t expose myself to direct sun, in particular at noon

...But of course, she plays the sleeping beauty better than me, by far

DAY 271

there is a force inside us...

We human beings are quite odd, aren´t we? Can you imagine flowers trying to question the inner force that tells them is time to bloom? Can you imagine trees, birds or bees contradicting their own nature? But we do it

We are trained on the idea of control and we usually put our will before everything else so we don´t know how to flow with life´s pace and we reject what is calling us

This causes discomfort and make us feel uneasy,  but we are also  trained to ignore pain and keep on living a life that doesn´t fit us. Don´t do it. Don´t pretend you´re not suffering. Don´t feign happiness

We all should make room for our pain, we all should sit down with our pain (that maybe is disguised as anger, frustration or sadness and even as false euphoria and security) and listen to it because it indicates our soul´s needs and it can teach us the way back to our authentic self

DAY 270

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom."

Viktor Frankl

DAY 269

today: apricots and book

It´s not easy to publish a photo per day to illustrate a post when you´re not a professional photographer, you have an hectic life (this means a demanding work, tons of concerns, house, husband, kitties, family, friends, countless hobbies) and you also want to have a significant personal journey, do your inner work, feel charming, smart and even, fit...

This get worse when you want to publish something at least minimally interesting and appealing every single day. Even when I can be behind with my posts (time is short!), I take photos daily  and write down my ideas about captures or any other thing as they come up along the day. However,  they are not totally planned in advance: quite often a random photo inspires a post, sometimes I take a photo with an idea in mind and I can also find an unexpected connection between a photo and an idea while I am editing it 

But some days I don´t feel inspired. It seems there is nothing that deserves to be written or captured... all seems to be dull, ordinary, repeated, and I have the feeling that everything around me (and inside me) lacks interest or sparkle. Those, my friends, are the best days, maybe because they force me to go beyond my vision, my expectations, my preconceived ideas about beauty and interestingness, my perfectionism, my fears, the way I perceive myself, my need of approval, my insecurities and they challenge me to say something that has not to be brilliant or clever, just real

Being real is not our main ability, because being real can involve feeling exposed, silly, sentimental, confused, hurt, childlike, redundant, raw, sharp, merciful, funny, compassionate, unbalanced... and whatever you could be feeling in a given moment, you name it

Being real is being able even to assume that we are feigning when we are doing such thing

Being real is frightening, yet liberating (and something that we usually don´t do on purpose)


So, those days when our well-known and handy opinions, our habitual recipes and our nicley buily speeches seem to be meaningless are great days because they make us to explore new territories. We will not have compass or maps, but thanks goodness, everydayness will come to the rescue and will trigger new musings

...and also some ramblings

DAY 268

a simple joy

One of the things I love best is giving presents. And it´s not due  only to the giving fact itself, but also to the joy I feel in advance of the moment and mainly due to preparations. I adore looking for the right gift, something meaningful and heartfelt and wrapping it up. Indeed, I am the type of person that always answers NO! when a shop assistant says: Should I gift wrap it?

I remember as a child thinking of a present for weeks, making it with my own two hands and taking a lot of time to make the cutest packages. When I grew up I kept this habit, most of my family members are fond of giving and receiving presents so it was not difficult to do it : there is always a special occasion, a birthday or just a meeting where we usually exchanges gifts

However, a few years ago when my siblings, relatives and friends seemed to have everything you could think about and some of them were maybe a bit too keen on name brand merchandise or expected expensive presents, most of my fun was ruined. Giving presents still was important to me, but became a more trivial and monotonous task than before

But from some time now, there is a growing trend towards accepting that a good gift doesn´t depend on money, but on wit, it is not a matter of cost, is a mater of appreciation

Of course, the main reason why this is happening is the current economic crisis, even when this need to simplify is also related to a new conscious that tries to be less materialistic, more respectful  and is focused on what really matters and not on consumerism

I am not going to say that little things made with much love are the best because it sounds not very sincere when the words economic crisis and gifts are written in the same paragraph. And I am not going to say that complicated situations can hold unexpected benefits because it sounds not only like a cliché but somehow unfair...

But I will say that having the opportunity to play again when I have to give a gift is utterly delightful

DAY 267

musing on my journey

DAY 266

mending the fracture

Past week was a restless week with lots of emotional ups and downs. However, I experimented little –and almost invisible- transformations that are having a deep impact on me

I started the week feeling disquieted and tense without apparent reason. Although I managed to discover some haven of peace along the days, as the week went by I started to find my unease and my resistance unpleasant and discouraging

I was wondering why I need to keep sentiments, roles, attitudes and behaviors that I don´t find meaningful anymore and I don´t even want to preserve, when I decided to stop once and for all

Suddenly I realized that deep inside I was not interested on keep up with that discussion; I don´t wanted to know the reason why I was doing this or that, I just wanted to let go all the complexity and move forward. I felt that, sure enough, I  only  wanted to be easy. As easy as I knew I was able to be if I only could liberate myself...

When I decided to stop my inner dialogue, my complains and my powerless mood, I realized that the only one who can give me permission to fly is me and as soon I understood that, I was fully aware of what I was doing: I was longing for being the person that I already am (!)

Yes, I am already courageous, wise, creative, playful, attentive, kind, mature, precious, grateful, truthful, serene…

I am blissfully improving myself in order to be even better, but I am not defective. I am already complete 

DAY 265

my baby just cares for playing

...that´s why she needs to have a pretty good rest after noon

I am not going to tell the whole story once again but this precious kitty has made a great difference in our lives. She loves to share our little family´s routines and is the most playful and participative cat I ever seen

I started to think of having  a new kitty and writing  a blog at the same time. And she came to our house unexpectedly the same month I published my first posts almost by chance

Both of them have been awesome gifts even when last summer I could not imagine that today I would be writing this, that I could feel so amazingly blessed

Life can become captivating when we follow our heart...

DAY 264

my feet make me keep the good sense

My feet are tireless and have kept me standing for more than four decades

They  have carried me along the world and throughout my life 

They have allowed me to walk, dance, tiptoe, and run in pursuit of my dreams 

The feet that seemed to me to be too big and far away from the cute feet I dreamt of, are strong, wise and purposeful, and have helped me to be upright (both literally and metaphorically) regardless my opinions and rejection 

Every time I go for a walk they permit me to straighten my ideas, meet again with amazement, breathe again and feel alive. My inner self emerge and I become fully aware of the beauty of my own path 

This week I´ve realized that even when I know that, I haven´t honored them properly, maybe because being earthly haven´t be my top priority till recently. So I decided to play a bit with them and make them the main subject of some photos

Look at them: They are perfect. They are nicely designed to withstand my body. They are beautiful. They really deserve my love. And of course, they can also look like elegantly and stylishly fashionable

I feel so happy with them...

DAY 263

"Walk and touch peace every moment.
Walk and touch happiness every moment.
Each step brings a fresh breeze.
Each step makes a flower bloom.
Kiss the Earth with your feet.
Bring the Earth your love and happiness.
The Earth will be safe
when we feel safe in ourselves" 

Thich Nhat Hanh

After my previous post, I wanted to post this quote which illustrates so well the healing power of a good walk


flower art friday: blissfully yellow

DAY 262

trying to find the center

On Monday I published a post. I was very happy with it, till I started to feel unhappy with the photo. I saw it blurry and dull and not very appealing (even the polka dot placemat that I love looked like awful). I wasn´t content and I couldn´t stand up the sense of failure. So I started to go through the whole (old) process again

I had many things to do and even so I spent pretty long time trying to fix it. It was distressing, because every new attempt was not making the photo a lot better..

I cursed when I started to feel unable to move. I could be finishing my work or having a coffee or talking to a friend or enjoying a book or brushing the cats but there I was, struggling with that photo. I was detecting invisible mistakes and making them bigger and bigger even when I knew deep inside that maybe it was not the best photo I had published, but wasn´t too bad, either. And supposing it was, this wouldn´t be a tragedy.

I cursed when started to feel stupid but instead of persisting with that mad attitude (as I used to do time ago), I put on my sneakers and went for a walk

I cursed when I started to sense the fresh wind because I had wasted all that precious time and I was tempted to feel guilty (my need to complicate things has not limits, I know...) but frustration doesn´t survive a beautiful evening and invigorating trek

While I was walking last evening, I realized that now I have the necessary ability and knowledge to deal with this kind of situation successfully. I can stop and indentify my cognitive biases

But I also had to admit that lately I´ve been feeling fed up with this still happening to me and  judging myself harshly because I am not able to make it   disappears. I understood that  I´ve been trying to let go my perfectionism perfectly and  feeling bad because as a perfectionist in recovery I should  not have these feelings, I should be less demanding...

What a paradox!, I don´t even know if this makes any sense. Anyway, after this tiny crisis, I am determined keep up with my process, no matter what can come out. Whatever feelings or behaviors I may have, I will stay present  and won´t be so strict with myself

In short, this experience reminded me that we move forward only when we accept and stay deeply rooted in our own reality

here: the feet that led me out of my mind. I am so grateful for them



this or that thursday: walking and learning

DAY 261

I am

Do you accept cycles and seasons and appreciate the beauty that every one of them holds? 
Do you accept that branches grow up and roots grow down, and appreciate the function that every one of them perform?

Do you accept that flowers have petals and sepals, calyx and corolla, stamens and pistil and appreciate the way they form a whole with unique identity?

Do you accept the shape of trees and clouds, shells and dragonflies and appreciate their charm?

Do you accept the changes of light throughout the day and appreciate shadows and contrast, colors and darkness, the obverse and reverse of things?

Do you accept that every creature is a miracle its own way a appreciate its contribution to this amazing world where we live in?

Do you accept that no one is here accidentally and appreciate the divine purpose of everything which is created?

Do you trust life and appreciate how every tiny item seems to be placed in the right place?

I do. I truly believe  this is a magnificent universe and every part of it is as  marvelous as the universe is. But even so, from time to time, I find difficult to give myself the same kind of acceptance and appreciation that I give to the world around me

I am now much more nicer to myself, that I used to be but  I still can exclude myself from this virtuous circle and feel an alien in this state of grace. I am prone to forget I am also a living part of this extraordinary creation

But that doesn´t change this simple fact: I am deserving of love. I am beautiful. I am unique. That doesn´t change my real essence. That does not change the true

DAY 260

"No end, no end to the journey

no end, no end never

become the sky

take an axe to the prison wall,

escape

walk out like someone

suddenly born into color

do it now"

Rumi

DAY 259

midmorning

a couple of icecream´s teaspoonful

a nice new bowl (has anyone else -apart from me- an obsession with bowls?)

polka dots placemat

a stool and a tidy table

two sweet kitties loafing around

tranquility

silence

light

half free hour to enjoy this moment quietly

mind, heart (and camera) ready to capture the essence of the day

bliss

Life can be hectic, and can seem unfair sometimes. It´s indeed hard, but there is always something unique (that often doesn´t depend on economic or social privileges but on appreciation) which rescues us from the sense of oppression and brings back the sense of purpose

Things like that help us to balance our vision by providing us a sweetest perspective. Through this little gifts and pleasures we realize that life is also interesting, appealing and marvelous




favourite photo monday: simple pleasure

DAY 258

"Do not think that enlightenment is going to make you special
it's not. If you feel special in any way, then enlightenment has not occurred. (...) The funny thing about enlightenment is that when it is authentic, there is no one to claim it. Enlightenment is very ordinary; it is nothing special. Rather than making you more special, it is going to make you less special. It plants you right in the center of a wonderful humility and innocence."

Adyashanti

DAY 257

and there he was

Back home

carrying sadness, tiredness, feeling fragile and vulnerable, hopeful and proud, nostalgic and happy

looking for a good rest, wanting to chat and longing for silence at the same time, wanting to socialize and to stay alone, wishing to share and to keep your sentiments for yourself

needing meditation and a big hug, expecting the well known routines and missing so much what you have left behind

wanting to be loved but feeling more reserved and introverted than ever because you feel your heart displaced

dealing with a emotions that puzzle you and feeling guilty because you cannot be easier

knowing that the first day a turmoil of contradictory sentiments is going to devastate any glimpse of normality and even so, being sure that this is the place where you belong

Back home carrying this burden is not easy

But you can be lucky enough to find there a person who is generous enough to open his arms regardless your mood, kind enough to respect your needs, gentle enough to take care of you, compassionate enough to understand you, good enough to love you as you are and wise enough to give you the time you need to be present again

I am that lucky person, he is that gentle person

what else can I say...

DAY 256

nuance

Leaving my mom´s house is always too hard. I use to visit her once every forty five days or so, and stay there for a few days or even a week depending on my work and the time of the year. However, no matter how long I can stay or how many things I can do, every time I have to come back to my house I feel extremely sad because I don´t live -like my siblings do- in a nearer place

This is the life we live, this is the life we have (mostly due to our own choices) and this is the life we should love, because changes are not so easy in this case and I should appreciate the moments we share instead of complaining about the moments we don´t share... and I do it, but not the first days after my departure. The first days I am prone to show resistance (I know...)

But this doesn´t do me a lot of good, so lately I am trying to change my attitude and at least, reduce the numbers of days that I usually stay feeling bad. In order to achieve this goal, I am implementing a simple, yet effective, strategy: I pay attention to all the nice things my mother has around to feed her spirit when I am away. They can be lovely plants in pots, herbal teas, a new book or pastime and so on

This makes me feel better, not only because these things make her life more pleasant, but also because I can use them to motivate my mother to be a bit busier. And having the chance of doing this while I am not with her makes me feel much more serene

Here: violet that my niece brought as a present and whose "health" will be an interesting theme of conversation the weeks ahead

DAY 255

the charming reinforcement

While I am at my mom´s house I always try to make new things either foods, activities or changes. I look for all the things that can be stimulating from a sensory and also intellectual viewpoint. So I introduce new meals that she and my brother don´t usually eat, I prepare tiny snacks along the day, use different dishes and bowls. Often I carry books or coloring books with me, we play games along the evening, and talk a lot. I also encourage them to change their routines a bit

It is all about variety (that according to the old saying is the spice of life). It is all about fun. It is all about beauty

I bought these plums because when I saw them I was captivated by their color, shape and the soft glow of their skin. Unluckily, they are totally insipid. When my mother ate a piece last evening she said: those who buy these plums once, won´t buy them again. But I don´t mind their lack of flavor, because they are a treat for the eyes and this red brightens the table

When I heard the previous comment I said a tiny prayer of gratitude for the little miracles and favors, for the red plums that make us open our eyes again and awaken to the joy of living. For the green avocados and the yellow bananas, the farmers and the markets, the rain and the sun and all those who contribute to give a new minute of joy to my mom

And also, for the whispering voice that tells me to be in search for little pretty things

DAY 254

embodiment of summer

It´s time to photo-heart connection and this is my june´s contribution. This is not the best photo I have taken past month, yet one which is quite evocative and closes to my heart maybe because it gives a tangible form to what I love of summers: sharp light that creates interesting shadows, vibrant colors and  fresh rooms where protect ourselves from relentless sun; the opportunity of staying at home with windows wide open and nothing to do except reading, creating, experimenting with a cold drink aside... calmed mood, no timetable or goals and the feeling that days are too long:  relaxed manners, simple routines and time enough to attempt new (and sometimes arduous) things without being in a rush or even time enough to get bored, what a sublime pleasure!

When I was a teenager, I had this sort of summers and I loved them although a time came that I looked for something more challenging, intriguing, sophisticated or interesting... I wanted to fly away and didn’t want to live like my mother did

I didn´t know that this moment would pass and wouldn´t come back, not only because the society and our style of life was meant to change dramatically but because enjoying it requires a kind of naivety that we have usually left along the path...

I didn´t know that one day I would be dreaming of those childish summers, longing for that candid attitude, my frank and credulous heart, my unrefined, yet nice, life and my limpid gaze...

I didn´t know that I would want to feel that way one more time as a way to make it up with the person I was and to recover some of my own personality...

I didn´t know that time could be so important...

And I couldn´t even imagine, that I would be writing about them thirty five years later and trying to live by their spirit. But here I am

Of course, there were lots of underlying circumstances that were not so easy to deal with, but those simple-minded summers existed and were fantastic

DAY 253

this is the way that flowers make us feel

While I was attending a course past weekend, someone mentioned the power of fresh flowers in order to heal the energy of spaces and create a better atmosphere. I read a few books about space cleaning the last time I moved in, but I hadn´t linked this to my recent visits to my mother 

In fact, when I´ve visited my mom lately, I´ve always bought fresh flowers and I´ve felt the urgent need to laugh, sing (and believe me, I am not a good singer) dance and be creative... so when I heard the comment about flowers and space cleaning, I saw it clear. I was making an effort to change the mood at my mom´s house and to  provide it with new, fresh, energy, that could help us to be more cheerful. Of course, my mother loves flowers and I also wanted to please her, but now I know that I was also trying to instill courage, love and hope in the house

 Unconsciously, I was trying to disperse sadness and the sense of powerlessness which are present in the house, maybe because my mother is feeling this way frequently: she and my brother (who is taking care of her, regardless his own disability) spend much time alone, so even when they have help with home tasks and family visits -which improves the situation a lot- the emotional energy is not shaken as deeply as is required and they are not strong enough to do it by themselves

So this time, I am doing it consciously. I am working with the energy around the house, rather than with their mood and I can see how this is impacting positively on their state of mind and making a great difference in their lives

Maybe effects won´t be very lasting, but seeing my mother smiling again, my brother enjoying his daily life and the clarity surrounding them, make me feel that it is worth trying it


here: part of the flower arrangement I've made this week

DAY 252

"All that is necessary to awaken to yourself 
as the radiant emptiness of spirit is to stop seeking something more or better or different, and turn your attention inward to the awake silence that you are"

Adyashanti

DAY 251

live in harmony with yourself and others

Live in harmony with the way you see life and your path

and also, with

the things you did and the things you didn´t do

your open wounds and scars

your memories

your weaknesses and faults

the way you feel every single moment

your longings

your body

your diligent feet that have brought you here

your skilful hands that create and heal

your mind

your heart

the guide of the universe

your inner voice

nature and cycles

love

respect

flowers and bees and every single being

your story

the present moment

life as it is

your talents and gifts

your vision and the true purpose of your staying here

your power

your mistakes

the way people decides to behave and live

uncertainty

doubts

this imperfect instant which is itself just perfect

your changeable moods

light and shadows

tiny steps and long distance races

your spiritual lineage

the footprints of your genes

your roots and your wings

clouds and sun, winds and calm

silence

ordinary things and divine grace

walls and doors

tenderness

and the principles and wishes of your adventurous and wise soul


...make of no resistance, your only religion




here: orchid at my mom´s house