29.7.12

DAY 279


family

Parents and children, living together as unit. Sounds easy. It is not

According to my experience, family usually is not only a great source of inspiration, but also of conflicts, because when you are raised by a family you are socialized according to its rules, this means it´s going to make you behave in a way that is acceptable to it

However, families can be mistaken and maybe family rules couldn´t be adequate for certain members of the family or they could be even insane. As children we are not able to distinguish between right and wrong things so we accept what we see around us uncritically. We have not any other parameters in order to compare, so we believe that what we live is what normal life usually is. This amazing adaptability allows us to survive, but serious damages can be unavoidable

Obviously, the magnitude of the damages will depend on families, but also on the nature of every single individual. They will be not only related to intentions and attitudes, but to many other things and experiences

In a society where family unit is a main core it´s difficult to talk about this issue  without awaken contradictory sentiments, because this can be understood as doubts about those we love and not as searching for clarity

I am not saying that all the things that cause us unease are related to our families, but many of them are related to mind frames that are created along our early years, where family has a predominant importance. I am not claiming its share of the blame, either. I am only saying that if we want to heal our behavior patterns, we have to be ready to examine their foundations, and there we will find -among other things- the family´s alchemy

The way my family works, our story and relationships -that have a dysfunctional bias due to different circumstances-  has had a deep impact on me, not always in a positive way. I am not going to go into this topic in any depth right now, even when I know that I will write about it sooner or later because it´s something I need to share. Suffice is to say that I have had to face up its influence in order to understand those frames and patterns I mentioned above

When I started to become fully aware of my personal dynamics and their origins, I was amazed and hurt and angry... and I often asked to myself how my life would have been with other beginnings, 
more peaceful, less complicated. Later I realized this question was invalidating my life, my story, my struggle, proving they were erroneous, when they were not

So when I started to look at this dispassionately (in the best sense of the word) and compassionately, somehow, I started to believe that going through my childhood (including my life with my family) entailed some challenges that I needed to unfold my talents and gifts

Could they be unfolded by living a completely different life? Probably, I am not sure

Could I love to have a more pleasant life? Sure! But this is the life I had and the life I am decided to honor because it has led me here, to this unique moment

2 comments:

Loredana Donovan said...

Lovely post, Zena. I agree with you. We can't change the past, but we can learn from it. It has shaped us into we are, and we can choose to change and grow instead of regretting and blaming. It's truly healing when we get to a place of self acceptance and compassion. Thank you for sharing your lovely thoughts. Xx

Introverted Art said...

Zena, this is such a tough topic... family can be crazy, mean, supportive, and a great sense of learning. I think that within the family dynamics (where abuse is excluded) there is always a trend of worship, then deception and when maturing, acceptance. I still remember when my parents stopped being heroes and became people, when they stopped being the holders of all knowledge to well, sometimes not knowing everything... I am glad to be in the process of discovering who they are and accepting the changes in some of the dynamics.

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