DAY 262

trying to find the center

On Monday I published a post. I was very happy with it, till I started to feel unhappy with the photo. I saw it blurry and dull and not very appealing (even the polka dot placemat that I love looked like awful). I wasn´t content and I couldn´t stand up the sense of failure. So I started to go through the whole (old) process again

I had many things to do and even so I spent pretty long time trying to fix it. It was distressing, because every new attempt was not making the photo a lot better..

I cursed when I started to feel unable to move. I could be finishing my work or having a coffee or talking to a friend or enjoying a book or brushing the cats but there I was, struggling with that photo. I was detecting invisible mistakes and making them bigger and bigger even when I knew deep inside that maybe it was not the best photo I had published, but wasn´t too bad, either. And supposing it was, this wouldn´t be a tragedy.

I cursed when started to feel stupid but instead of persisting with that mad attitude (as I used to do time ago), I put on my sneakers and went for a walk

I cursed when I started to sense the fresh wind because I had wasted all that precious time and I was tempted to feel guilty (my need to complicate things has not limits, I know...) but frustration doesn´t survive a beautiful evening and invigorating trek

While I was walking last evening, I realized that now I have the necessary ability and knowledge to deal with this kind of situation successfully. I can stop and indentify my cognitive biases

But I also had to admit that lately I´ve been feeling fed up with this still happening to me and  judging myself harshly because I am not able to make it   disappears. I understood that  I´ve been trying to let go my perfectionism perfectly and  feeling bad because as a perfectionist in recovery I should  not have these feelings, I should be less demanding...

What a paradox!, I don´t even know if this makes any sense. Anyway, after this tiny crisis, I am determined keep up with my process, no matter what can come out. Whatever feelings or behaviors I may have, I will stay present  and won´t be so strict with myself

In short, this experience reminded me that we move forward only when we accept and stay deeply rooted in our own reality

here: the feet that led me out of my mind. I am so grateful for them



this or that thursday: walking and learning

DAY 241

The old saying says, curiosity killed the cat

This means sometimes is better let the things that we don´t know stay that way, but I think a strong desire to know or learn something is always good, even when perhaps we can end up discovering things that are not so pleasant

This usually happens when we start to go into inner work in depth, because if we want to heal we will have to look through our past, revise our dearest beliefs, ask ourselves about our emotions and attitudes and face up truths underlying our lives... truths that are not always flattering and can be not easy to bear, either

Many times along my own process I have felt like the proverbial cat, wishing not to have explored certain fields or issues. But this sort of inner excavation entails dealing with our shadows in order to learn to recognize our light

Since I was a little girl I have listened my old relatives saying that often is better not to know. However as time has gone by, I´ve realized that is better to look at life directly, rather than furtively, even when this can entail some amount of pain. Because, in the long term accepting lies and secrets, or simply pretending that life is (or was) different than it really is can darkens everything around us

In a sense, positive curiosity is a healing force because it helps as to carry out inquiries into our lives and stories so as to establish the truth about them. Indeed the passion to know, to understand and to see for ourselves is the foundations of any personal journey in search of fulfillment and clarity

Curiosity won´t kill us. In any case, it will kill that part of us who doesn´t love the truth and by doing it, will allow us to be sincere, passionate and stunningly authentic


this or that thursday: curiosity

DAY 234

continuing revelation (selfportrait with tabby cat)


This is a self portrait taken by chance. I was preparing my camera before going for a walk when my kitty came to see what I was doing

Sometimes, I have the feeling that she wants to see the world from the same perspective than me, I guess that she can´t even imagine the great effort some persons -like me- have to make to connect with their own instinctive nature, to see the world from her perspective

Indeed, to many of us is difficult to awake our inner tendency to go with the flow of life and sing and dance and go through this earth with ease. However, animals can be great masters regarding this issue. No matter how tiny they can be, they seem to have a gift for living easily and joyfully. At least, I have learn a lot from them... of course this demands to change our way of thinking and transcend our anthropocentric mentality, but it´s worth doing

I think this quote says it all:

“In reality, there is a single integral community of the Earth that includes all its component members whether human or other than human. In this community every being has its own role to fulfill, its own dignity, its own inner spontaneity. Every being has its own voice. Every being declares itself to the entire universe. Every being enters into communion with other beings.

In every phase of our imaginative, aesthetic, and emotional lives we are profoundly dependent on this larger context of the surrounding world”

Thomas Berry

this or that thursday: lessons

DAY 227

Life can be Beautiful


Life can beatific, balanced and bubbly 

Life can be broad, beningn and bright 

Life can be blithe, bold and bewitching

Life can be benevolent, bountiful and brave 


Life can be blissful... if we want it to be so


this or that thursday: bliss

DAY 220

often a real sense of peace comes from the simplest acts

We usually think that we have to do lots of inner work, mindset preparation, meditation and things like these to achieve peace or any other characteristic commonly related to personal fulfillment. Indeed, those things work very well, but we can also learn to create peace using not so complex materials

This demands a certain dose of naivety, and we have to be able to deliberately reject sophisticated behaviors and intricate knowledge... but it is possible

In a sense, this means being natural and unaffected (spiritual development is far away from conceit and arrogance) but mainly it means that we have to focus on what we have at hand

We can create peace from our everyday experiences, interweaving homely moments, plain feelings, our most ingenuous musings; our secret ramblings, ordinary events, unexpected finds and so on

Doing such thing we will create a beautiful fabric that will appease our mind... and if we have peace in our mind, there is to be peace in our hearts and if we have peace in our hearts, there is to be peace in our lives



here: flower arragements using fallen flowers that I found along my walk

this or that thursday: peacefully

DAY 213

synchronicity

While I was writing my last post, I came across the following poem filed away long ago and this photo taken a few days ago and realized that both together could be the perfect epilogue for my previous words:

" He who knows his soul knows this truth:

I am beyond everything finite; I now see that the Spirit, alone in a space with Its ever-new joy, has expressed Itself as the vast body of nature.

I am the stars,


I am the waves,


I am the Life of all,


I am the laughter within all hearts,


I am the smile on the faces of the flowers and in each soul.


I am the Wisdom and Power that sustain all creation. "

Paramhansa Yogananda




this or that thursday: messages from the universe