DAY 365+72

budding calm

This is my April´s contribution to Photo-Heart Connection. I was almost sure that this photo would be my choice when I edited it a few weeks ago, and today, while I was looking over my files, I felt irreversibly attracted to it again

There is something about its composition that makes me think of my love for painting, which date back to my early childhood and has accompanied me since then. It reminds me the blissful amazement that I´ve experienced looking at the artwork of great impressionism masters, maybe because it captures the effect of light at a particular time of the day or maybe because the background shows what seems quick brushstrokes of color...

But there is also a story behind it:

Every single time I go to the park next to my house I visit the rose garden. Somehow, that is a tribute to my mother who has always wanted to have a garden (and has never accomplished her dream) and adores flowers, in particular roses, so I go there and take a few photos. Most of the times I don´t publish or even edit them, I simply keep them. In my mind I am creating a rose garden for my mother, but I still am not clear about how it is going to be materialized, so I continue taking photos, trying to let the hurry aside and enjoy this dream, the dream I have inherited from her

A month before this photo was taken, I went to the rose garden a I found it totally lopped off. The stalks were so short that I had the feeling that the little garden wouldn´t be the same ever again. The place looked sad, I felt totally disheartened and the critic that lives inside me started to say me that time was not by my side (my mom will be 89 next November) and also, that I had been little diligent in carrying out that project. That´s what the inner critic does, you know: makes the most of emotional vulnerability, and causes you to feel shame

I felt a bit annoyed, even when I have become aware long ago of the true nature of this project, which is not only about my mother´s dream, but also about my need to reconnect with earth with my story and to heal transgerational traumas

The day I took this photo, I was reluctant to go outside with the camera. I was tired and it was too late, but finally I decided to do it. I went to the park, thinking that I could only walk, and headed towards the rose garden which were beautifully illuminated by the last sun rays. To my surprise, it was in bloom. Big roses and little buds were sharing the same space; color and fragrance were awesome and beauty was reigning everywhere

I was thrilled. Life seemed to be promising again. I thought of the old dream of my mother and wondered if someday (some way or another) it could come true. I breathed the scented air and I realized that I was not so interested in the answer. I looked at the roses that were not there only a few weeks ago and thought that life is sweet, yet unpredictable. And I felt that maybe (only, maybe) I was ready to deal with this: with unattainable dreams and pending projects; with intangible goals and pruned aspirations; with lessening opportunities and unexpected gifts and miracles. With life, disenchantment and hope

Today, I breathe in and I feel how the garden is flowering inside me. My inner critic remains silent