DAY 136

what I say to myself 
(and I want to say to you)

Thanks to this project I have challenged myself to take creative (and visible to everyone) self-portraits along 2012

February self-portraits have drove me- by chance- to focus on the idea of self-knowledge and self-confidence, so somehow this has became the "leitmotif" in my them. This is the last portrait of February’s series (see others here and here). I´ve been considering the words I wanted to add for a while, that´s the reason why I am publishing it so late

From the very beginning, I thought about the quote that I finally added, but even when the idea of being unique was very appealing, it was making me feel uneasy at the same time. While I was examining in detail this affirmation in order to understand why I was having those contradictory sentiments, I discovered the following:

When I talk about uniqueness, I am not talking about greatness or brilliance. Lately I´ve been revisiting my need of great achievements because -even when I accomplish amazing things- quite often it is also a way to prove that I am fabulous (so I deserve love) and makes me feel discontent

When I talk about uniqueness, I am not talking about talent or awesomeness. I have discovered, that I need to feel the relief of being no one special, because being "this one special" is a burden that takes me to a never-ending path which prevent me to savor my accomplishments, and -paradoxically- makes me feel underappreciated

When I talk about uniqueness I am not talking about success or power. I know that being always trying to beat my own boundaries leads me to a break-point where I feel restless, angry and prone to harshly judging myself (and others)

When I am talking about uniqueness I am talking about being me, this "little me" whose joyfulness doesn´t depend on gorgeous achievements

I am talking about allowing myself to be nothing but an ordinary person, even when this means I might fail

I am talking about cultivating self-respect regardless my uncertainties and weakness

I am talking about doing my best but without forgetting what I deeply value and enjoy

In short, I am talking about accepting that every single person can be exceptional and unrepeatable and deserves to be appreciated and loved as she/he is… because if I permit my whole existence to be squeezed by my need of a stereotyped magnificence, I simply will miss my life