30.11.12

DAY 365+11

I´ve found my voice

I took some photos of me one day at home touching my neck. I was a bit downhearted and as I was involved in a gratitude journey, I thought of giving thanks for my own life even when I was finding it too hectic and confusing, mainly due to all the responsibilities I´d been taking regarding my mother and brother situation (something that, to be honest, I have to fix)

When I was editing the photos, I chose one to illustrate my thankfulness feelings, see here, but once I did it, I was looking at the rest of them when I came across this one and I realized how deeply it resonates with me 


Along this year I have had the feeling that I´ve found my own voice not only while writing this blog, but while dealin
g with my life circumstances, my past and my family challenges. I´ve communicated my thoughts fluently, I am not being hiding things, either my feelings or my vision,  and also,  I´ve had a sense of confidence and independence.  However, lately I´ve noticed that my ability for self-expression has diminished because I am not as centered as before. I am too tired, anxious and overwhelmed because little by little I have permitted myself to start a new circle of dependence 

I am so used to rescue my mom and family, that when something shocking happens I can be back to my old dysfunctionality. Rearrange all the life´s routines of my mom and brother in order to give them a life quality, has been a good thing to do, but I have slipped into some of my old mind frames without even noticing it. From one week to another I started to become obsessed with all the situation and soon I could see how the old abuse patterns started to reemerge, just because I infringing once again my own boundaries

This has been a true relapse, I have been strong enough to stop some damaging behaviors and to protect myself and keep some of my healing practices, but even so, it has been exhausting and disheartening

So when I saw my hand touching my throat I become aware of my needs. I realized that I should  reconnect to myself and keep on using my own voice. I have struggle hard against conditionings,  to break free from lies and  I know I won´t move back  but I appreciate this little reminder t
hat tells me that using my true voice and expressing my wisdom in the presence of others is important for my soul´s health

I am so thankful for the way my photos give me back to my path!

... so very thankful

12 comments:

Gallery Juana said...

beautiful photo and glad you were able to stop the relapse from continuing. sending you strength and congratulations for finding your voice.

Bonnie said...

So wise. The body never lies and yours sent you a powerful and compassionate message.

Introverted Art said...

I know exactly what you mean about being the "rescuer." I have learned to step back more though... and let people rescue themselves.

Sandra said...

Through your photos, you find your path in the labyrinth of life. Yes, we can be thankful for life, it is a gift and the life experiences, whatever they may be, are there to teach us the way too.
I like the golden hue on your photo.

Christine E-E said...

i'm sorry you have the journey this path... when I get in difficult situations, I look back through my blog posts to see where I've come & also that capturing moments in time, remind me of all the beauty in my life. Do take care.

gina said...

How wonderful that your photography is helping you deal with the challenges you face. It sounds like your self awareness is helping you break out of those dysfunctional patterns. Sending good thoughts your way....

Ritva said...

Good healing to you and your photo speaks tons. Take care!

seabluelee said...

This image and post really resonate with me, too. It can be frustrating when it seems we've circled back to the same old place where we started. But I've heard life described as a spiral - each time we "circle back" we're actually at a higher place in that spiral. We see things from a different perspective and it's easier to get back on track, thanks to the real progress we've made. At least that's the way it works for me. I'm inspired by your blog. And I love its name and your header image.

urban muser said...

a truly beautiful post. thanks for linking up this month.

Cathy H. said...

I love how you captured your emotion in your photo! Your post is beautiful and so well written!

Susan said...

Amazing what photography as an art can do...one step back, ten steps forward!

deb did it said...

I am sobbing reading this post.
I am dealing with some major brother-mother conflict.
~all I can say right now is
thank you~

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