DAY 56

christmas awakes my contradictions

I´ve always had the feeling that this time of the year (whose meaning is so vast and intangible at the same time) is deeply related to a sort of old fashioned domesticity. Of course, this happens because Christmas is indissolubly linked to home and family but also because, when I think of it, I have a certain kind of family and home in mind that no longer exist... or at least, that are not an exact likeness of my real family and home

Regardless what this could say about me (in other words, regardless that this is often object of harsh criticism, due to the role that women usually play in this way of thinking... a viewpoint that I can understand and -paradoxically- even share ) I´ve always loved this idea of domestic perfection (in particular when this season is around), and the idea of me being able to create a gentle nest through the traditional arts of housekeeping. ... a nest where celebrate a delightful Christmas

Of course, this is contradictory at many levels: it´s not only that this is connected to a life style that is far away from my own life style, the main problem is that I have not the chance for trying to do this... I don´t have even the time. Indeed, I can´t be at home creating fun and beauty because I have to work all day long (something that I love most of the time)... but despite all this, I´ve always  yearned for some lost pleasures of domesticity

Long ago this sort of nostalgia, made me feel rather awkward: there was nothing to suggest that I would long for domesticity after all the hard work I did to have a high demanding profession; later on, I started to feel frustrated because even so, I wanted to be one thing and the other: an academic and a domestic queen but both things seemed to be incompatible

But for some time now,  I´m developing an alternative method: instead of making my life conditional on stereotyped ideas about what a woman should be, (or struggling against my wishes), I´m building my own take on life where I can be as eccentric and creative as I want. I´m mixing joyfully whatever I like and  I am celebrating everything that is beautiful about life...   I am doing  it my own way and do you know something? It works!

PS I will talk about this in depth  on upcoming posts