DAY 558


As you may already know it was my 50th birthday past week. As the days have  passed I have started to feel the urge to make a sort of assessment but I was no able to find an appropriate approach.

Finally, this morning I came up with this. They are just fifty random (and immaterial) things that happened to me along my first fifty years of life. They are not logically organized. They don´t summarize all my experiences, either or narrate a complete or coherent story, they are not even the most important or interesting, but they are for sure, some of the more decisive.

 They can seem recent facts or achievements, but they are not because even when I have faced some of them along the last decade they have been present in my life –some way or another- since my earlier years. Indeed I truly believe that this birthday is also a turning point as I have completed and closed many pending things from the past. I hope so. I celebrate it.

1. I have learnt how to deal with my feelings

2. I suffered and have overcome suffering

3. I understood the great importance of setting boundaries

4. I have learnt to love myself to love another

5. I stopped abuse and I liberated myself

6. I healed my past

7. I have developed a personal practice based on spirituality

8. I accepted guidance and asked for what I need

9. I have prayed a lot

10. I made contact with my inner power

11. I have tried to embrace my demons (keep trying)

12. I gave thanks to those tyrants in my life and I am letting them go

13. I have learnt how to live in the present, day after day (even when sometimes I am tempted to give up)

14. I understood that baby steps counts

15. I´ve been wrong about many things

16. I have had to accept the mind-body connections

17. I acknowledged that perfectionism is a way to run away (I am now a recovering perfectionist)

18. I made decisions and then, I forgot them and had to start again but this showed me how to live in process

19. I have forgiven myself for my weaknesses and my naivety and for handing over my own power

20. I understood why I should trust

21. I decided to restore a healthy sense of self

22. I have listened and been listened

23. I have questioned my conditionings

24. I discovered the allure of ordinary things

25. I have had to apologized and this taught me humbleness

26. I have appreciated everydayness almost every single day

27. I have tried to help as much as I can and have been helped a lot

28. I started to run after light

29. I resolved to cultivate mindfulness

30. One day I decided to rely on my soul don´t know exactly how or why

31. I started to consider myself a survivor, nor a victim

32. I have accepted that teaching is the voice of my soul

33. I started to practice authenticity and pay the consequences (all positive in the medium term)

34. I have cherished memories and mementos

35. I am trying to keep my journey (and my inner work) no matter what people said

36. I have laughed

37. I have dreamt a bit (maybe not as much as I have would liked)

38. I have –little by little- spread my wings

39. I have appreciated both calm and storm (I have gotten no choice!)

40. I expected miracles and miracles happened

41. I have loved (and being loved) much

42. I have created so many things… including life that is meaningful to me

43. I have walked my path with a joyful heart most of the days

44. I am internalizing why is so important to abandon those (both circumstances or persons) that try to invalidate me and I am exerting myself to act accordingly

45. I have had great masters

46. I have been arrogant and stubborn. It took me so much to bow down to my destiny, to love this life of mine as it is, but I am learning to do it

47. I have met kindred souls

48. I have learned to hear the messages of the spirit

49. I am realizing that I have to tame my ego if I want to be happy

50. I have come to understand that finally everything had to be exactly as it was


Donna@LivingFromHappiness said...

Zena these may be random but oh so profound and wonderful to share....quite a list.

windrock studio said...

A most beautiful list coming from such a beautiful soul. I really love #'s 24 & 28 and of course, #47!
So much love to you and a big high five!!

Maery Rose said...

This is such a great idea! I may steal it for my 60th birthday or I may not be able to wait that long and do it at my 58th next year. I can relate to so many things on your list especially "19. I have forgiven myself for my weaknesses and my naivety and for handing over my own power."

I'm so glad to know your kindred soul.

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