19.5.14

DAY 529

itinerary

You know pretty well nobody´s perfect . So what?, you can´t help trying it. You know pretty well life is not perfect. So what?, you can´t help expecting a flawless existence.

You claim and defend that world would go better if many persons be oriented to perfection, because this world (and its valuable content) shouldn´t be neglected and this life should be marvelous.

And you make huge efforts to prove that you are right. And maybe world and life become a little better thanks to them.

But one day you wake up and realize that a safe world is not only your matter, that a wonderful life is not your only responsibility. You acknowledge that the old unease (the bitter anger) comes from the need to control what indeed can´t be controlled.

You say to yourself: maybe perfectionism is a deception!

Suddenly, you want to change and feel carefree, you desperately want to accept, but you don´t know how, you don´t know even how to start.

And you read and read (you are a perfectionist, you know). And you demand yourself to stop being so demanding. And you want to be perfect while giving up perfectionism. And you have several relapses.

But then you recognize your stunning cognitive biases: you always use the verb should, and generalize, and compare yourself to others. You always want others approval, want to please anyone (even those that don´t even know you). You use labels, and exaggerate.

You feel guilty and find yourself so defective that you want to die.

And then, little by little, you start to embrace your flawed self (with all its old wounds). And you bow down to the imperfection that means being a perfectionist.

Here your practice of acceptance starts.

And you accept, accept and accept without a bit of laziness. And you stay with your shameful patterns. And you sit down with your anger. And you stand beside your fear of not being enough (knowing that maybe they are not you).

But a new day comes. It seems you are not able to see anymore the problems and disadvantages (neither big nor little) of world or life... or of being yourself.

You seem to enjoy having the life you have and feel madly adventurous.

You want to explore uncertainty.

And you seem to adore crooked lines, unexpected paths, asymmetries and the shabby charm of everydayness. And you see miracles everywhere, even in a drop of water.

You look for your old bitter anger inside you, it has left no trace. You feel blissfully blessed, amazingly serene.

You dwell in the light of what is.



Cross-posted at Vision and Verb on Friday. Many other women share their passion for creativity and words there, please visit us, it is a wonderful site 

There you will find also a Card Shoppe. For every greeting card sold, the profit will accrue in allotments of $25 each to be given as loans to men and women around the world who are starting their own businesses. We have chosen the non-profit organization KIVA as the conduit for our giving back 

You can send a love note to a friend and make a difference in the world


2 comments:

Barbara Schwartz said...

Brilliant blog this morning, Zena. I am a Virgo. Organization and perfection are the waters surrounding me since birth. Accepting doing messy art has been so therapeutic for me. I allow myself to go to book group even if I haven't finished the book. Accepting that messy is good for me is great because I'm not that good at art yet. Until recently, not being that good didn't stop me from being perfectionistic about it. Now I am much easier on myself. I'm reading and writing about the good girl. We learn all that stuff you're bothered about and writing about early on. Being a good girl is drilled into us, at least in the states, from the time we are born. I'm holding my good girl's hand and helping her join me in being a good woman leaving so many unwanted feelings behind.

Aga Gasiniak said...

Gorgeous photograph. I think that the whole and true perfection is to accept unperfection and see beauty in it!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...