|resting in light|
I guess I am oriented to achievement by nature so I find hard to stop doing things and I always think about my life from goals perspective. This is an important key to understanding my conception of rest whichI used to define like a sort of activities exchange.
In fact, I still have problems when I try to stop myself and do nothing. I am not talking about calming down my mind, keeping tranquility or serenity .I am not talking about relaxation or keeping a daily practice, either. I know how to do such things and they demand setting intentions, the use of certain tools and a proactive attitude whose results can be measured, assessed, because beneath them lies the idea of productivity, some way or another.
When I think of rest I do not refer to the fact that I am cultivating mindfulness or increasing my consciousness. Indeed, even when I am focused on the process as on my inner work, I celebrate the turning points of my journey, although maybe they are not linked to the traditional definition of success. This happens because when we are in the search for something, we want to reach our aim, because our endeavor is directed to it.
I am talking about staying still and only breathing (…probably the result of the things mentioned above).
It has taken me ages (and effort) to internalize this meaning of restfulness associated with repose, with letting life be and pass by; with cessation from desire; with the extinction of expectations... with an interval between a goal and another. But from time to time I find myself in that place where the emotions are soothed, where silence wraps me, wounds seem to have never existed and my already pacified soul comes to light.
A place where I can contemplate world as it was created -my life as any other marvelous, ordinary, life- with a limpid gaze free from prejudices.
I enjoy that place of no dualisms, no opinions... just contemplation
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