DAY 365+95

Why don´t dream of it all? (playing with reveries)

I have started a self-portrait journey again  and I am taking an on-line class. At the same time I am trying to reinforce my daily practice and to reconnect with my old passion for drawing and to practice self-love and self-respect. Past week I thought that this was too much, and saw August as a big desert filled with self-demands

After a few breathes (and some reflections), this morning I realized that this thoughts were a sort of self-sabotage because deep inside I think I don´t deserve so much attention, I shouldn´t devote so much time to myself, I shouldn´t dream big...

But after debating between all those ideas, I said to myself, "Wait. Why I can´t dream of having it all, of being whoever I want to be... who is preventing me from being free?. I took my camera and faced up a self-portrait challenge that I was postponing (be playful, something that I think I am not). I took my pencils and drew. I came here and wrote the following list inspired by this amazing post. Please follow the link, you´ll enjoy it.

I want to be serious and responsible
I want to be playful and have not a care in this world

I want to be a Zen monk and master the art of meditation
I want to walk by the red carpet (at least once)

I want to travel abroad and be part of an humanitarian project
I want to stay at home and read all day long

I want to have a garden and make grow my own vegetables
I want to live in a city and to plant herbs in pots

I want to fly to the Antarctic and get lost there
I want to fly to the isle where I was born and living with my mom forever

I want to teach every day of my life
I want to own a little library or a tea shop

I want to go to Tahiti
I want to live in Italy for a year (or more)

I want to study and learn more
I want to be peaceful and know that I am enough

I want to be romantic, careless, passionate, bohemian
I want to be predictable, analytic, logic, sensible

I want to sleep outside and count the stars
I want to go to bed at home and kiss my cats goodnight

I want to have a balanced diet
I want to eat sandwiches, drink tea and don´t have a meal timetable

I want to go around the world with my husband and have a nomad existence
I want to be with my mother during her last day

I want to have my dark hair forever
I want to let my gray hair grow and don´t tint it anymore

I want to have a minimalist house
I want to have shabby furniture and mementos everywhere

I want to visit Auschwitz
I want to forget all the suffering

I want to believe that my story counts
I want not to be defined by my story

I want to be extravert and sociable and be the soul of the parties
I want to keep being introvert and reflective

I want to run a marathon
I want to stay at home and write my journals and draw

I want to have time to do all these things
I want to be happy being where I am

I want to be myself
I want to be every tiny “me” that I know still live inside me