DAY 327

time to let go

I have had to stay this weekend at home even when I have planned to go to my mom´s house due to events I´ve described in my previous post

It has been hard for me to stay here taking care of my cat, even when I know that this is what I had (and wanted) to do. I am so used to running home every time my mother has a problem that is strange allowing others to be in charge of her and my brother

To be honest, this has been an amazing experience. Somehow I have completed a whole stage this week related to my need to rescue them even if this means abandoning my own needs.The  sense of being under a constant pressure is low now and I have the feeling that my cat illness has created the room I needed to think and decide

It´s strange how a chain of unfortunate circumstances is giving me a new chance to keep on healing and finally take this vicious circle to pieces. Of course I am not happy: my brother has broken his leg, my mom is feeling lost without him, my cat is ill and I know that I will do what I have to do in order to fix this situation... but thinking about doing things when and how I want to do them and not feeling guilty because I am not behaving like I use to do it, is simply

I´ve been praying that I could be free from this insane behaviors, that I could help without breaking my own pace and violating my own needs, that I could be able to give them support without neglecting my own life... and I think my prayers have been heard 

A few months ago, I wouldn´t have imagined that I would stay at home without going mad or overdramatizing things, that I would be able to keep –most of the time- a sane and realistic attitude to this problem. I 
wouldn´t have imagined that I could slacken the reins, rearrange my priorities considering what I really need at a given  moment, but now  I am doing it

Instead of being totally unhinged, I am taking time for doing those things that calm me down (like messing around with my photos) while I am planning future strategies 

I feel so relieved. I truly think this is a step forward…

PS: I am behind with my post. I am transcribing my impressions of previous days 


S said...

My feelings are with you. I am glad that your prayers have been answered. When going through tough times myself, I prayed and prayed and I prayed hard...and although I thought that nothing could keep my sanity intact, but surprisingly...when the right moment came...I could manage everything so well, including myself. So, seeing you in a similar juncture in life, I can identify with you...Believe me, there is something called "grace" or "blessings" and I feel that you have been "blessed". Keep the faith and stay strong.

Danielle said...

Wise choices are better made when we can sit still for a moment in time. Glad that you were able to find those moments and use them wisely.

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