|the cherry affair (presence leads to beauty - part two)|
Yesterday I wrote a post about being present. When I talk about this issue, I am referring about being present in any circumstance. A person who is not familiarized with this theme, could think that being present is a challenge when it is related to really complex circumstances, but this is not true
Regretfully, those of us who find difficult to stay present in our everyday life, don´t distinguish between good and bad events; tiny or enormous problems; trivial setbacks or significant situations . We are not able to stay present, that´s all, regardless what is happening. In short, we are not able to keep a strong connection to our current circumstances, emotions and feelings. Our body, mind, soul and heart are split up and don´t form a united whole
I can remember being absent from most of "the best days of my life" because I was concerned by irrelevant details (sad, I know)... but also, from many ordinary days and dull moments, and from many critical turning points, just because I wasn´t able to embrace the whole of what was happening
Now I have learned to avoid this, but I have to be watchful because I am prone to lose my connection from time to time for no apparent reason. So I have learnt to pay attention to the tiny symptoms
When I published my post yesterday, my mood was terrible. I felt that I was not in touch with the day´s experiences, but I didn´t know the reason why. This is the real problem with this: having the sense that something is going wrong (once again) and don´t knowing what is triggering the situation, although there is always an undercurrent anxiety in this behavior which, somehow, needs to be processed
So I do what I usually do, after going through a bit of resistance and remorse. And what I usually do can be put into the following categories: movement, silence, organization and conversation (if I am not very irritable)
The aim is not to take delight in the anger and the deep sense of unease. Sometimes I focus only on one of the mentioned categories but often, I move from one to the other till I feel I am calmed down. Yesterday, I focused mainly on organization, and it worked!
While I was doing it I started to feel a lot better and many things emerged:
I was not happy with the way I had used my time along the weekend. I had the feeling that I had been procrastinating important things and wasting my time doing not so important things (even when I love them). I was overwhelmed with my pending projects because I am prone to want to take on too much and I tend to be overly ambitious so I have not time to approach them. I felt bad because I had being taking photos (I couldn´t resist those cherries) instead of updating my housework or my inner work or my personal projects so I felt, moreover, unbalanced and scattered. And to cap it up, I was not happy at all with the photo I published...
You may think that this is a host of foolishnesses... but this my friends, are the kind of things that usually make us feel estranged from our lives. Nothing really serious, but unpleasant... but when we admit them, our mood changes
At night when I admitted that I am the sort of person who always has something to do, but can have a rest and play even when the results are not perfect, a person who always wants more but is learning to say enough is enough, I started to feel connected to this crazy, wonderfully imperfect life and again strong enough to enjoy it while keeping up my dreams