14.7.14

DAY 537

sweet and slow

When I started this personal -and spiritual- journey, I was secretly aspiring to excellence. I wanted to achieve goals and conquer calm, serenity and balance without delay (of course!). I judged myself harshly when I thought I was not being good enough. My relapses, or so I called them, made me feel angry and I couldn´t stand those persons that after only a little work started to consider themselves illuminated. I detested shoddy practices and triviality and vanity. I felt that I was doing a good work but nobody seemed to appreciate it… the story of my life!

Probably I was making something good (maybe my mantras and my prayers and my meditations which usually took me off of that vicious circle) because, little by little, I started to understand that I was acting regarding my inner work exactly the same way that I had always acted regarding the rest of my life.

When that became clear, I totally changed the way I was approaching it. It started to be something very relaxed. Something that I was doing because of myself, and not in order to look for others approval. Something that shouldn´t be planned or justified or evaluated… that could change and even be spontaneous and unpredictable.

I started to appreciate my own process and the guidance that was appearing in my life, coming in all forms. I kept on being rigid and a great controller in many aspects and spaces but when I was developing my inner work I created room for intuition and creativity, I permitted myself to go with the flow and to explore without being afraid of failing and –last but not least- to be much more benevolent to myself.

This way my perfectionism, my pride, my need to be always right that before gave me no respite, started to soften. I learnt how to bow down to my story, to my pain, to my destiny, to my weaknesses and my greatness and I started to move forward.

I accepted what came to meet me. I accepted help and realized that other way to approach life was emerging. A way that called for kindness and consciousness and mindfulness… that was not fast, hurtful or arrogant; A way that was (still is) sweet and slow.

Now my days are more peaceful than ever. My mood is more joyful. And what started being just a personal practice has ended being a way of living. Through the change of my attitude, my whole existence has changed.

Now I trust my life and know that wherever it leads me, it´s the place where I supposed to be.

4 comments:

carol l mckenna said...

You sound like you are on a similar path as I am ~ lovely post ~ so rich with your reality and living well in the now ~ thanks, ^_^

artmusedog and carol (A Creative Harbor)

windrock studio said...

You give me great hope, my sweet friend ... I think I will forever be working on patience, with myself & others.

Barbara Schwartz said...

The path of humanbeingness isn't an easy one is the walk of a life long labyrinth so that we meet ourselves coming back, we revisit problems and they look slightly different because we ourselves are in a different place.It takes a really long time to accept ourselves, and especially to do the walk you have been doing for 537 days. I love your froggy picture.

Jennifer Richardson said...

sweet and slow....feeling this
so sweet and slow inside
and grateful for the voice
you give this process;
it so validates something inside.
Thank you,
Jennifer

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