29.4.14

DAY 523

continually moving forward 

Every day I wake up and have to deal with the same thoughts and doubts; the same criticism, the same fear to failure and feeling of not being enough.

Every day I feel the same perplexity in the presence of life, in the presence of death, in the presence of time.

And I feel also the same endless optimism, the same need to live and dream, to experience joy and accomplish my purpose.

Every single day I wake up and feel divided. I feel my heart split into two parts: the one which is afraid but is strong because has been strengthened by a whole life tradition, the one who trusts and has been emerging along the latest years.

Every single day I have to deal with them. I know it and have come to terms with this process. Some days I feel even a bit curious about it. Will I suffer a relapse or will I advance? Will I give up, once again, or will I be daring and bold? Will I try to outrun or will I keep the balance?

This (consciously or unconsciously) has been this way most of my life but now I have a strategy. I don´t ponder or judge those feelings. I let them come and go. We walk hand in hand. I do what I have to do every day. I approach my inner work consistently and without laziness. I let them be there, moving freely, I listen to them.

When the fear comes, I wonder what it is asking for. When the urge to change, to consider my truth, assaults me, I stop and learn. No matter the moment of the day or my activity. I pay attention, this is my strategy. I promote integration, that´s my tactic. And little by little the dissociated parts are becoming one with my true self.

I walk my path by joining together all those fragments. Some of them may sound dangerous, they are the result of my wounds; others seem to be empowering, they give voice to my soul. But if something I have learned is that they are here for a reason.

 At the end of the day there are not winners or losers, there are not frustration, there are not labels, just the ongoing process of living and being aware, and the cease of the struggle; the peace and a sense of fulfillment...

2 comments:

Teteel said...

An inner "war"...
but Life is the winner.

Aga Gasiniak said...

I will carry your thoughts with me through my day. Thank you for sharing them. So wise and precious. Gorgeous and delicate photo. Much love to you,Zena!

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