DAY 365+89


Lately I´ve been haunted by this word and every time my thoughts lose their way because I am too tired or when I consciously try to slow them down, they end up clinging to it. Indeed, it has become a recurring sound in the back of my mind for the last three weeks or so. And while this has been occurring, I have felt that it has been also resounded throughout my soul 

It´s a pretty unusual and impressively beautiful word, I´ve been to busy (and a bit exhausted) so I have let it fly freely inside me without trying to catch it, without trying to analyze what´s the reason why it was chasing me 

But his morning I´ve felt the urge to explore this word in detail and examine what was moving -emotionally speaking- inside me. As you may know it comes from a Greek word (to purge or purify) and one of its meaning is the bringing of repressed ideas or experiences into consciousness, thus relieving tensions 

Considering the direction that my inner journey is taking in particular, since last summer, this makes sense to me. In fact, this is what has been happening along past years: repressed ideas and -I would add- a sort of unknown inner wisdom have been coming to light and they are making me feel a nimbleness while dealing with life issues that I have never encountered before

I have awakened to a new understanding of the experiences that come to meet me. This makes me able to go beyond their outward appearances, beyond the borders of my mind frames, beyond all possible. This makes me able to consider new variables and connections, new motives and reasons because now I am starting to see myself as a tiny part of a vast universe (which can be the universe itself) and not as an observer

However, from time to time (or more often, to be honest) I don´t fully embrace this vision and I am imprisoned by my old judgment and prejudices and I am seized with fear

Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of future, fear of moving forward, fear of change, fear of life

When this happens there is always something that brings me back to my path: Reminders of how much I have advanced already. Little epiphanies that make me get in touch with my inner self again. Unexpected gifts. Little glimpses of what can be waiting for me...

A word that wanders around creating a deep resonance with my soul till I listen to it, till I come here and recover the sense of peace, till I come here and re-establish good relations with my own process and I am ready to own my inner power again


Introverted Art said...

I, like you, keep trying to find the positive in these things. Catharsis is such a strong word and one that can bring so much growth... getting there is the tough part.

Karen @ Pieces of Contentment said...

Your butterfly is fitting image for your words. A deeper simplicity is happening in your life. When pondering the deeper issues of life I find great peace and meaning in my faith, through God's grace as shown in the bible.

Barbara Schwartz said...

This human being stuff is such a strange journey, isn't it! We think we've got something figured up and then whoosh, we've lost it again. Then we have it, then we don't.

Optimistic Existentialist said...

I think you chose the perfect image for this post my friend. I love this...it speaks to life's journey and path...a marathon and not a sprint. Happy Thursday my friend :)

Aga Gasiniak said...

Beautifully and wise written words. Thank you for sharing your thoughts Zena, they always make me stop and think about their meaning for longer and I find them very often so helpful. I hope you are well. much love to you

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