DAY 130

flexibility is strength

Every time I fall ill, I ask myself the same question: why I have no problem helping others and I find so hard to accept help (not to talk about asking for it) even when I need it badly?

Regardless how ill I can be feeling, both delegating and trusting are difficult to me. 
I can´t easily let go control of my usual roles or allow others to lend a hand  and this doesn´t ease  the situation.  I know that rejecting help is not the best way to heal and experience a speedy recovery, but even when my mind tells me so, I can´t help doing it    

Obviously, this has to do with some of my personality characteristics as my demanding (and self-demanding) attitude or my reserved temperament and also, with my need of approval. Of course, this is all about my life story and one of my deepest beliefs consisting of keeping out others of my problems as I have to be strong and independent in order to be respected (and be loved)

This time (I am still suffering this bad flu) the same old feelings came to the surface once again but I have experienced some tiny changes. I don´t know if the reason why this is happening is because the flu is truly strong or because I am learning to do things better, but I didn´t feel I need to tough it out on my own... at least not all the time

This has involved a significant difference regarding previous situations: I allowed myself to be comforted and let my husband step in and handle the situation.  Indeed, I´ve made a conscious effort to accept the gift of assistance, and even when this seems to be only a baby step, I am quite glad because I am learning not to block other people from supporting me

I have acknowledged that when I try to do everything alone, I am not being strong, but weak. On the contrary, when I am flexible enough to give away for my need of controlling everything, I am being not only strong, but wise

I hope this learning will last long...

1 comment:

Carmen V. said...

I identify with your words. My life has always been effort, I don’t know otherwise. I have no clear reason, the reality is that my effort is always "I can", even in times like now that I'm recovering from my right hand when I need help for basic tasks. For some reason I avoid asking for help, unconsciously ...

Just as we refuse to accept forgiveness from others, we ourselves also refuse to get help.

And we must know how to ask for help, I think in summary that this is also part of the healing process.

So, I appreciate your reflection on the importance of flexibility in our lives to keep healing and growing. Courage, my best wishes for your speedy recovery. Thank you!.

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