|flexibility is strength |
Every time I fall ill, I ask myself the same question: why I have no problem helping others and I find so hard to accept help (not to talk about asking for it) even when I need it badly?
Regardless how ill I can be feeling, both delegating and trusting are difficult to me. I can´t easily let go control of my usual roles or allow others to lend a hand and this doesn´t ease the situation. I know that rejecting help is not the best way to heal and experience a speedy recovery, but even when my mind tells me so, I can´t help doing it
Obviously, this has to do with some of my personality characteristics as my demanding (and self-demanding) attitude or my reserved temperament and also, with my need of approval. Of course, this is all about my life story and one of my deepest beliefs consisting of keeping out others of my problems as I have to be strong and independent in order to be respected (and be loved)
This time (I am still suffering this bad flu) the same old feelings came to the surface once again but I have experienced some tiny changes. I don´t know if the reason why this is happening is because the flu is truly strong or because I am learning to do things better, but I didn´t feel I need to tough it out on my own... at least not all the time
This has involved a significant difference regarding previous situations: I allowed myself to be comforted and let my husband step in and handle the situation. Indeed, I´ve made a conscious effort to accept the gift of assistance, and even when this seems to be only a baby step, I am quite glad because I am learning not to block other people from supporting me
I have acknowledged that when I try to do everything alone, I am not being strong, but weak. On the contrary, when I am flexible enough to give away for my need of controlling everything, I am being not only strong, but wise
I hope this learning will last long...