DAY 365+130

notes to the child I was

Long ago the inner self was close to the surface and inner wisdom -the kind of wisdom we all have inside- reigned supreme. Life was easier because of the feeling of being part of something bigger and wonderful and somehow divine. But little by little that wisdom (who came from many lives of learning) started to be hidden under layers and layers of fears and the resulting conditionings. It started to be forgotten because the wisdom was too big and the brain too young and inexperienced. And also because in order to be improved, that wisdom must be revisited, recreated, and it must be put to the test.

Without it, life seemed incomprehensible and many of the strategies that were developed in order to survive were hurtful too. Some of them were effective but damaged you deeply and helped to create a fortress where the true self remained captive. This created a sort of dissociated identities: one was outside, one was inside.

As you grow up, this situation prevented you from feeling at ease with yourself but also lead you to look for answers and new options making you evolve till becoming the person you´re (I am) today who has being able to heal the wounds, to achieve dreams and to explore acceptance, respect and love.

I think you would be proud of that person. She is recovering your naivety, your sweetness; she is learning to forgive on your behalf and to vindicate your beauty. Now she knows, what you always knew: she is destined for being happy and developing a soul´s journey.

She has managed to break the wall between inside and outside. Little by little a tiny aperture is appearing, the outer self is going inside and is taking ownership of the internal room, and the inner self is going outside and is learning to be visible. Integration is occurring.

I think you would like to know that. Now you can rest and smile and play, forget the pain and feel finally safe.

I am still updating my self-portraits page, you can see them here


Aga Gasiniak said...

Beautifully written, Zena. I love how you look after yourself with love and value your thoughts and feelings. Your words are always inspiring to me. Beautiful, little and sweet girl on the photograph and beautiful and wise woman today and I am so lucky that she shares her gifts with others. THANK YOU!!!!

Jeanne said...

Ah, this is such a slow process, and so easily reversed!

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