16.12.12

DAY 365+17

abundance amidst the chaos

As the situation in my country become worse and worse, I try harder to hold my peace of mind

Spain is going through a complicated crisis where we have to deal not only with economic problems. At this moment the structure of the state, as well as welfare and security are at stake. Not to talk about our future. The unemployment rate and social vulnerability increase every month. Persons that not so long ago were part of the middle class are now living on charity. And political corruption is simply unbelievable

As governmental employee, I still have a work, but I am suffering drastic cutbacks. They affect my salary, but also my rights. My husband has not been that fortunate, so we have lost most of our patrimony and savings. In spite of this, I still am lucky because I have a secure job, a roof on top of my head and a decent life

I won´t go into the reasons why this is happening in any depth because they are quite complex and are related to a wrong model of development which demands a meticulous analyze, suffice to say that the whole scene is disheartening. But what I hate more is the feeling of hopelessness. I am not going to say that there are not reasons to feel that way, there are tons of them, but it is becoming unbearable

However, I am determined not to give up. I have to go to work and stand up in front of seventy students that have no future with a smile in my face and try to do my best to make them learn and improve their professional competencies. I want to encourage them to be better persons and to struggle against this adverse context. I need to support my husband, my friends and others who are experiencing this disaster. I must be there for those who -apart from the crisis- are suffering illness and loss. I aspire to feel some joy. So I am not going to slip into permanent complain or meanness. I am not going to escape. I want to stay present right here, right now, and keep the belief that this life is leading me to a good place, even when it doesn´t seem so

Some of my coworkers, friends and relatives say to me that this attitude is the consolation of the fools. Maybe, but I think that I am simply pragmatic. I have to survive so I am adapting myself to these new challenges and focusing on what I am learning instead of on what I am losing. I am not denying reality, nor approving it, I am opting for what I find more healthy and useful. This is my duty and my privilege

Of course, this is not accidental: I am embarked on a personal journey that makes me look at my circumstances that way and this crisis is only reinforcing my commitment to live consciously. Even so, the list of what I have gained since this situation started is endless. Indeed, I am convinced that all the things I´ve gone through lately have helped me to discover some beautiful gifts

I can´t enumerate them all, but I´d like to name detachment, creativity, ability for acceptation and appreciation. Regardless of frustrated expectations and restrictions which are really hard, I truly believe that my existence is now even more authentic than before. I also feel that I am more in touch with my inner self than ever. And I know I am not the only one

Cross-posted at Vision and Verb, where I have been Guest Blogger this sunday. Many other women share their passion for creativity and words there, please visit them, it´s a wonderful site

2 comments:

Introverted Art said...

my husband's best friend has been living in Spain for the past 15 years... he has told us how bad things have been.

Aga Gasiniak said...

Dear Zena. It is so good to visit your blog again. I completely admire your work. You also put an amazing post. It is true and real unfortunately. But I believe that you are definitely not only one. There are people like you and me. It is more the matter of being and wanting to be united. to be a change.

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