DAY 145

fragility


I´m visiting my mother this weekend

Once again I am thinking about how difficult is to stand on vulnerability without feeling helpless. I truly believe that this is the only way I can deal with my mother´s current situation and play a positive role in this stage of her life. Her weakness shakes my world and makes me feel emotionally exposed but I know that deny this feelings would entail a sort of separation

I don´t want to pretend that my mother is not advanced in years and is loosing her autonomy (even when her mind is still acute), I don´t want to run away or to show a fake tranquility, since I am feeling deeply affected by this situation but I don´t want to be overly dramatic or look too hopeless either. Obviously, this wouldn´t be good

I want to stay tranquil, I want to be ready to give help every time she needs me, I want to enjoy the precious moments we share, I want to be supportive, compassionate, patience and blissful. And mainly, I don´t want to feel discouraged because my mother is walking her own path, on the contrary, I would like to help her to do it nicely and wisely

But, to be honest, I find quite complex to keep a happy balance. Anyway, I keep on looking for it. Meanwhile, I am doing my best to make it easier for her to go through this period of her life

Maybe, this should be enough…