DAY 365+71

when life hurts

Sometimes, the only thing we can do is try to remember that light will shine again
try to hold this hope with our tired (and wounded) heart that wants to give up
try to trust life, even when it is unfair and violent, and makes us doubt about our own common sense
try to keep the faith in human beings (in ourselves) even when we feel betrayed
try to hold back our -often justified- anger and pray to be saved from our own fire
try to calm down and let go bitterness, ire, sadness and act as if life were not so confused and turbulent 


Sometimes, the only thing we can do is try to look for that little ounce of peace inside us 
try to cultivate joy, even when our mood is dark and acrimony is in the air 
try to stop resentment and forgive or at least, forget (or vice versa) 
try to counteract frustration with acceptance, disappointment with humbleness 
try to calm down and focus -once again- on life little gifts 


Sometimes, the only thing we can do is abandon expectations (even when deep inside we have always thought that we know what we want, what we deserve) 
and surrender to what is happening even when it hurts (more if it hurts) 
and renounce control and embrace acquiescence 
and bow down to reality again and again 


Sometimes, the only thing we can do is remember that buds will bloom someday again 
and trust that meanwhile, we´ll learn to appreciate the beauty of bare branches and fallen petals 


And we shall learn, no doubt, we´ll do it. Because this is a path meant to open our eyes. This is a path that will force us to get real. This is a path that will teach us how to deal with pain. This is a path that will unravel the beauty of simple days as they are 

...this is the path that is leading me to discover bliss amid chaos 

DAY 365+70

when life calls for something more than taxonomy 

I´d been yearning for taking some photos in the forest for a while now, but for some reason or another I didn´t do it  till past Sunday

I arrived there and went deep into intricate scenery and walk slowly following winding (and almost invisible) paths. The light was hazy, filtered through the leaves above, and was creating stunning patterns that often seemed pieces of filigree. But what really caught my eye were the lichens developed on the surfaces of branches and trunks. They were growing anarchical here and there, silently conquering the superficies of the trees, tenaciously, showing their unusual and peculiar charm

While I was walking I was trying to discern what I knew about these amazing creatures, but I only could remember that they are formed by the symbiotic association of a fungus and an alga. I wondered why I couldn´t remember why algae can be found  in moist ground and not only in salty water  and many other things, but I had not answer

I was there, surrounding by trees, trying to go through my memories, and then, their beauty brought about a miracle: the temporary cessation of mind´s opinions and judgments. I forgot that I was concerned by the nature of lichens and I was overcome with joy after starting to look thoroughly what was outside and abandoning the confusing passages of my thoughts

Little by little I started to keep in step with the peaceful energy that was carried gently on the air. And I felt, once again, how easy is to conform to our own inner nature (to be centered) when we are focused on the now

All my life I have wanted to know more about things, to understand why they occur. I have had the desire to categorize them, the desire to find some order

All my life I have thought that recognizing things, naming them, would help me to face up reality in a better way. All my life I have believed that studying in depth roots, causes, reasons, components... would help me to take them apart, to understand the influence of some events on me and even to bring up the circle of pain

All my life I have defended that change and appreciation comes from knowledge

But since I have started this journey I have realized that this is only true at some level 

Sometimes, knowledge doesn´t make any difference

Sometimes, our wish for understanding makes some attitudes (like forgiveness or gratitude) much more difficult

Sometimes, even when it can provide us with significant information, what matters is what we are going to do with it, how we are going to manage it to increase our consciousness. Knowledge itself is useless in order to have a more fulfilled life

Even when my analytic side is reluctant to write this, I have to admit that there is a wisdom inside me that doesn´t come from the logical reasoning of my mind, maybe because this is only one of the ways to deal with my experience here 

Maybe because there are many more ways to do it

I can think about it, of course. I can analyze it and I can unravel it. But I also can explore it, deconstruct it, enjoy it. I can co-create it, accept it, bless it, embrace it. I can appreciate it

...I can -even- simply live it

Walk and Click Wednesday

DAY 365+69

"Enlightenment is intimacy with all things"

Dogen Zenji 

DAY 365+68

when they purr

While I was taking these photos of this little lady, she was purring loud and clear all the time. I was not touching her or talking to her, I was just trying to capture her lovely posture and the light in the terrace but the consistent pattern and frequency of her purr, made me feel relaxed and and more focused on what I was doing 

Even when many types of sound usually distract my attention (including voices and music) and makes me feel annoyed,  cat´s purr improves my concentration, and not only when I am interacting with them, but also when they are by my side and I am devoted to my own matters

This made me think about this low vibrant sound, usually considered as expressing some kind of sensorial satisfaction. It has been produced by my cats along so many different circumstances, that I have realized long time ago that it must have a deeper meaning apart from that

Indeed cats often purr when we provide them social contact, but also while they are under duress, and in particular when they are recovering from illness, and when they are happy with themselves or with what is happening around. They purr for not apparent reasons at all and when they are alone and think no one is listening them

I think that cat´s purr is a means of relate to people and communicate, but also a means of self-healing; a way to show contentment and also, a way to keep (or recover) some kind of tranquility. Last -but not least- I feel that it is an expression of love and acceptance for what they are living in a given moment

I know that many persons thinks that pets can´t feel that because these are complex emotions belonging to human beings, but I can´t help remembering my cat Malú purring when she was dying. This simple act of surrender marked a milestone in my own life by teaching one of the greatest lessons about being in the present and consciousness

Cats seem to know how to enjoy little pleasures, show delight, make the way back to their center once and again (maybe this is the reason why it´s said that they have nine lives) and be where they are without questioning fate 

This playful and darling kitty is the proof. And their purr seems to me an attempt to reveal her secret to those who want to pay attention

DAY 365+67

"Practice can be stated very simply. 
It is moving from a life of hurting myself and others to a life of not hurting myself and others. That seems so simple-except when we substitute for real practice some idea that we should be different or better than we are, or that our lives should be different from the way they are. When we substitute our ideas about what should be (such notions as "I should not be angry or confused or unwilling") for our life as it truly is, then we're off base and our practice is barren."

Charlotte Joko Beck

DAY 365+66

come and sit here with me

I hadn´t remembered that April would bring the flowering of the beautiful jacaranda trees till I saw wonderful mauve carpets covering lanes and roads 

I´ve arrived to this seat while I was wandering with my camera, 
walking on layers and layers of aromatic flowers, 
trying not to step on them if not necessary
 
It´s the same bench I have seen so many times, yet different

This is a quiet and beautiful place, 
the smell is dense and sweet, 
the earth is still damp due to spring´s downpours 
and the fallen tree leafs of fichus gleam like gold 

The light still shines even when it´s late in the evening and the ivy goes across the soil sinuously

Come and sit here with me. There is a path. Where it will lead us, I am not sure
 
It´s luminous and goes through the scented flowers, the fertile land, the yellowish and withered vegetation and the growing plants 

It´s maybe my path, your path. The path wich goes through our gifts and talents, the territory of life, the compost made by joy and suffering, the fruitful seeds of love... and gets into the unknown territory of contentment

Inhale with me the rich (even voluptuous) air. Inhale with me the spring, the warm light of the end of the day, the patches of color, the smell of an evolving world 

And now exhale with me the pain and the anger, sadness and frustration which the subtle wind will dispel. Exhale with me the story, the past, the lies, the sense of not being enough

 Open your eyes, and you will see, like me, just a what reality offers. You will see, like me, just a little jacaranda flower beautifully illuminated by the latest sun rays

And you will realize, like me, that you simply are in the right place



Walk and Click Wednesday

DAY 365+65

the yearning for balance

I´ve started to take a fitness class a few months ago. It´s not the typical class because the teacher uses strategies from different disciplines. She always says that our power comes from within, from our ability to feel our body and adjust every part of it in order to achieve the right posture. She has taught us that posture gained without consciousness is not posture, is imposture

This is so near to my own approach to my practice that I sensed -since the first day- that this could be the class I was looking for. And I was not wrong. Now my corporal work is closer to the inner one, and this pleases me very much. Indeed, I have realized that it´s the same work, but this is another story

Yesterday morning, while I was training, I could feel for a moment the proper coordination of all my components. I was developing an equilibrium exercise (I was on tiptoes and I had lifted my arms and hands) when I felt that my thoughts, my emotions and my whole soul were contained between these two opposite sides of my body. Oh friends, it was such a wonderful sensation!, I was almost touching heaven

Back home, I became aware of how much I have changed my concept about balance throughout the latest years. As a perfectionist, I´ve been always concerned about do the right thing (in accordance to social parameters), so the pursuit of what I would define as correctness has been underneath most of my actions and decision making. I used to think that this would lead me to conquer some kind of emotional stability, calmness of mind or at least, certain harmony

I couldn´t be more mistaken: the more I looked for steadiness this way, the more unbalanced I felt inside. As a result, at some point of my way, I felt like if I was about to break down from moment to moment . My posture was indeed, imposture because I hadn´t awakened to the true nature of my life (of myself) and I was influenced by a false standard of excellence. The acknowledgement of this true undermined my belief in perfection and redrew my concept of balance

According to this reconsideration, balance wouldn´t come from a preconceived faultlessness which generates prejudices, labels, unattainable ideals and suffering. Balance only could come from cultivating authenticity and mindfulness. Therefore, it is something that must be created -once and again- depending on circumstances, something that demands flexibility, movement, change and must be based on the evidence of mutability

It is, in short, the art of creating healthy responses that can cancel out the influence of my fear of transience… of being defective and not deserving of approval or love

It is taking me time to accept this perspective. My residual perfectionism often insists on considering that I am living in a precarious equilibrium (because my behavior is not imperturbable and fixed, because I am not adapting myself to others expectations, because I look for my contradictions deliberately and enjoy uncertainty), but something inside me is starting to accept that this precariousness is better than previous rigidity and endless discontent

Something inside me is accepting that life is made of pure impermanence: this is its grace and its challenge


Cross-posted at Vision and Verb on Sunday. Many other women share their passion for creativity and words there, please visit us, it is a wonderful site

There you will find also a Card Shoppe. For every greeting card sold, the profit will accrue in allotments of $25 each to be given as loans to men and women around the world who are starting their own businesses. We have chosen the non-profit organization KIVA as the conduit for our giving back

You can send a love note to a friend and make a difference in the world

DAY 365+64

glimpses into the places in which joy lives

Windows have been always one of my favorite architectural details. When I look at them I imagine stories (in particular, if I can discern part of a room, a patch of fabric or someone developing an ordinary task inside it) and I am also prone to wonder how my life would be if I could live in a given house 

Thus, it´s hardly surprising they are also one of my favorite photography subjects. I guess I find them so highly appealing because they illustrate the power of our imagination. It´s amazing how a simple (and even repetitive) design avoids monotony by playing with the same elements (colors, textures and accessories) in order to create new combinations whose variety is simply awesome

Along a few years I have taken many photos of windows. Some of them are impressive because they are part of a significant building, but most of them are ordinary windows which are just lovely and creative. This proves that diversity is pleasant and enriches human experience, because it open our mind to a new conception of beauty, less stereotyped and conventional but maybe more interesting

I have often asked myself why I keep on photographing windows (even when most of the photos stay unpublished) but I hadn´t had   a clear answer -apart, of course,  from their evident charm- till a few days ago while I was looking through my files and saw them again

Then, I started to think that maybe, they illustrate my imaginary knocking at the house of joy through photography, my expectation that I will see its face through the glass of one of those openings in the walls of my city

Maybe, I hold out the hope of looking directly into its eyes, every time I go outside with my camera

Guess what? I often receive this present: my heart opens and embraces what is around when look through lens, and by doing this I experience the most simple and perfect delight. That which comes from not questioning what is

DAY 365+63

at a glance

This is my March Photo-Heart Connection. I don´t know how many times I had seen that building before the day I took this photo but I had never noticed those beautiful reflections and the contrast between its design and the traditional houses with red roofs in front of it 

While going through my files it caught my eye not only due to those lines and tones which I love it, but also because it illustrates the way I am approaching photography these days

This semester I am quite busy at university so most of my time is devoted to teaching, writing, preparing classes and workshops, seminars with my students and to endless meetings. I have little time but when I have a free hour I often go outside with the camera. No matter if I should be catching up with my home chores, my readings or some of my pending projects, I close my eyes, I carry my handbag and close the door behind me

I don´t plan beforehand organized outings. I don´t try to capture predetermined images. I don´t take self-portraits, either. I only go outside, I walk and shoot

I take photos of the urban scenery that surrounds my house. I take photos of the same common things that I see when I am going to work or shopping

 I go over the same streets and lanes, the same passages and avenues. I go over the same boulevards and the same park once and again...

 Only to discover that my feet lead me to well-known places that I can´t even recognize. Places where an old window makes me think about the brevity of life, where a bench suddenly invites me to rest and to soothe my mind, where trees are starting to bloom and are painting the city with mauve shades

Yes, I go over the same places once and again only to discover that my feet know what my eyes haven´t still seen. Only to discover that something inside me is able to feel the enigmatic appealing of the ordinary, to catch the inscrutable allure of this fleeting beauty

I know this is one of the best ways to keep my practice (which is not only related to photography, but also to my personal path) till summer vacations. So I go outside, I walk and shoot

And by doing that, I re-discover the place where I live

DAY 365+62

up and down

Sometimes I feel that my life is in a mess. This usually happens when I am dealing with personal conflicts related to injustice, lack of respect or abuse. I don´t tolerate well this kind of behavior which often awakes my anger and frustration... and also my need to fight for what I think is fair

This always changes my mood. It generates anxiety and when goes on for some time, it ends up distorting my perspective and undermining my good sense and my joy. And then, every aspect and facet of my existence starts to seem uncertain and problematic to me. Of course, the more frustrated and anxious I feel, the more biased my viewpoint starts to be and vice versa 

This obviously creates a kind of vicious circle that I am learning to break by becoming aware of my emotional state and managing my emotions more wisely. But from time to time, I fail, and a certain conflict threatens my tranquility in a way that is not acceptable

Obsession becomes a blemish on the peace of my mind, fear produces a sensation of powerlessness and the unreal imminence of chaos manages to circumvent my rational mind. When this occurs, logic doesn´t help me, reasoning doesn´t help me, common sense doesn´t help me... but relinquishing control often works

To tell you the truth, most of the times I have to be almost exhausted to do it and there is always an external -and unexpected- catalyst

I´ve been struggling with some of those vicious circles lately, but this week I reached a critical point. I went outside to walk and I felt totally uninspired, I sat down on a bench and wait while praying silently a bit 

When I finished,   I looked up and I could see that all the palms along the road were bearing their fruits. I hadn´t even noticed this when I started my walk but they gave me back the sense of amazement that I needed in order to counteract my turbulent state of mind 

Suddenly, while trying to capture their beauty, I started to outline a response to the situation I was going through, and I could see glimpses of a strategy that would allow me to recover my calm

I continued my walk and when arrived to the park next to my house the sun was shinning again (both literal and metaphorically speaking) and  I was clear about my attitude, and about the way I would behave from then on

Sometimes, we have to look up and accept guidance to start to listen the tiny voice that calls out inside us. Sometimes we have to listen to take up our path again with a new destination in mind
Walk and Click Wednesday

DAY 365+61

"To be strong does not mean to sprout muscles and flex.
It means meeting one's own numinosity without fleeing, actively living with the wild nature in one's own way. It means to be able to learn, to be able to stand what we know. It means to stand and live."

Clarissa Pinkola Estes